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  1. Religion, Culture, Kids & Family

    CONTENT WARNING: Sensitive topics

    In this section I'm going to ask you to think about a few things around kids that may be too sensitive for you to consider. If that's the case, just skip those questions and move on.

    This is an important section, because it's where many relationships go wrong.

    By making you face and talk about this with each other now, we're going to achieve two things:

    1. Baseline Reaction

    We're going to establish a baseline reaction for your subconscious to go to if one of these bad situations does arise.

    Very often when we're faced with a major life altering or traumatic event, our system panics because it has no point of reference for how to react.

    Now, because you have discussed the issue, your mind won't immediately jump to I don't know what to do or start jumping all over the place trying to figure it out. Most likely, it's starting point will be the very conversation you're about to have. So please take every difficult question you're about to face very seriously.

    Listen to your partner, put on your best attentive face and really be present. Both take turns to hear each other out and at all times stay focused on being gentle and loving. If a situation like infertility does arise, you'll have enough trauma. Believe me you won't want to look back on more traumatic or painful memories at that stage of the fight.

    2. Open Channels of Communication

    The second thing discussing these topics now will do is make it easier for you to discuss them later.

    In life, things are always the most difficult to do the first time around you do them - communication is subject to the same principle. It's always the most difficult to talk about something the first time, to actually let the words leave your mind and pass your lips, becoming reality in sound. If you wait to talk about these issues and you only broach them when you get to the actual trauma event, you'll have the added pressure and stress of the trauma to deal with - making it even more difficult to talk openly to your partner.

    That doesn't mean to say that the decisions you make now are final or the decisions you'lll eventually carry through, but you will have have broken the seal so to say, giving you a platform for starting the conversation, and importantly, a head start idea on what your partner is thinking in that moment.

    For the sake of ease, roles are referred to as husband and wife throughout the course.

    Instructions

    • 1. Run through the questionnaire together, reaching consensus on each individual question.
    • 2. If you are unable to reach consensus working together at first, then do the following:
      • a. First you are each going to complete the questionnaire on your own.
      • b. Then you will make time to sit together and discuss your results.
      • c. Lastly you complete this questionnaire together. This time around you will indicate the boundaries you agree on together.
      • d. If you are battling to reach consensus, then please seek alternative help from a life coach.

  2. Your Email Address(*)
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  3. Your Partner's Email Address(*)
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  1. Having Kids

    We're going to look at various aspects of having children, ranging from do you want them, to what do you see their lives being like and what happens if something goes wrong or pregnancy happens too soon.


  2. As a couple, do you plan on having kids?(*)
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  3. If you aren't having children, have you been permanently sterilized?(*)
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  4. If yes, when do you plan to start trying?(*)
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  5. How many children do you want?(*)
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  6. What mix of children do you want?(*)
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  7. Do you have any family naming protocols for first and second names?(*)




















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  8. Whose surname will any children take?(*)
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  9. If you had children and passed away, who would those children go to, in order of preference.(*)
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  14. Is there any history of multiple births in your families?(*)
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  15. Is there any genetic or medical history you need to be aware of or make your partner aware of?(*)
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  1. Having Kids continued

    We're going to look at various aspects of having children, ranging from do you want them, to what do you see their lives being like and what happens if something goes wrong or pregnancy happens too soon.


  2. Religious & Cultural Influences

    Will your children be baptised, christened or undergo a similar induction into a religious ideology?(*)
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  3. Will you expect your children to attend religious services?(*)
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  4. Will you expect your children to undergo a religious education, such as catechism?(*)
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  5. Schooling & Education

    How do you envision your child's schooling and education playing out?(*)







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  6. What do you envision your child will be like and what do you think they'll achieve?(*)
















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  1. Planning for kids

    Okay this is the section that has tougher questions in it. Please proceed with caution.


  2. All about Dad

    What age does Dad want to be when you have kids?(*)
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  3. What does Dad want to have achieved before kids arrive?(*)
























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  4. What is the oldest Dad wants to be when he has kids?(*)
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  5. If Dad surpasses his maximum age for having kids, what'll happen then?(*)








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  6. All about Mom

    What age does Mom want to be when you have kids?(*)
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  7. What does Mom want to have achieved before kids arrive?(*)
























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  8. What is the oldest Mom wants to be when she has kids?(*)
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  9. If Mom surpasses her maximum age for having kids, what'll happen then?(*)








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  10. Oooopsie... didn't see that coming

    What do you imagine you would decide as a couple if the pregnancy came before you were ready for it?(*)



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  11. What do you do if Dad accidentally gets someone else pregnant?(*)







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  12. What do you do if Mom accidentally gets pregnant by someone else?(*)







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  13. Birth Control Oooopsies

    If Mom or Dad go off birth control and get pregnant on purpose, without consultation or consent, what do you think the result would be?(*)






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  14. Grandparents

    What level of involvement from the grandparents would you be comfortable accepting?(*)















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  1. Planning for kids continued

    Okay this is the section that has tougher questions in it. Please proceed with caution.

    Now we're going to spend some time unpacking what can and might happen if you can't have children together for some reason.


  2. Infertility

    What happens if you find out that Dad is infertile and Mom is not?(*)










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  3. What happens if you find out that Mom is infertile and Dad is not?(*)










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  4. What happens if you find out that both Mom and Dad are infertile?(*)










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  5. Genetic Incompatibility

    What happens if you find out that you are genetically incompatible and your child has a disability? Most likely any future pregnancies will have the same result. (*)













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  6. Disability & Illness

    You're already pregnant and you find that your baby has an illness or disability, such as Down Syndrome or Osteogenesis Imperfecta. How do you handle the pregnancy?(*)





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  1. Family & Grandparents

    When it comes to each of your extended family, such as your parents, siblings and cousins, what it acceptable behavior with the boundaries of your relationship.

    Here, you not only need to be honest about what you want, but also about what those people are like. You can, for example, decide to cut your sister off, but if she pitches up at your house everyday to visit your mom who's living with you, it's going to be tough to avoid her.

    Partner 1 - Husband/Dad


  2. When you think about your family, including parents and siblings, which of the following behaviors are acceptable for you?(*)









































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  3. Which behaviors are not acceptable in your eyes?(*)









































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  4. Secrets & Scandals

    Are there any family secrets or scandals in you or your family's past that you need to disclose or discuss? This may not seem important now, but down the line one of you may want to build a media profile or even run for office, and knowing what you're up against and what to expect can really make all the difference to the decisions that you make.(*)
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  1. Partner 1 - Husband/Dad continued


  2. Now, thinking about your wife's family, please specify which of the following behaviors are acceptable for you?(*)









































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  3. And which behaviors are not acceptable?(*)









































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  1. Family & Grandparents

    When it comes to each of your extended family, such as your parents, siblings and cousins, what it acceptable behavior with the boundaries of your relationship.

    Here, you not only need to be honest about what you want, but also about what those people are like. You can, for example, decide to cut your sister off, but if she pitches up at your house everyday to visit your mom who's living with you, it's going to be tough to avoid her.

    Partner 2 - Mom/Wife


  2. When you think about your family, including parents and siblings, which of the following behaviors are acceptable for you?(*)









































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  3. Which behaviors are not acceptable in your eyes?(*)









































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  4. Secrets & Scandals

    Are there any family secrets or scandals in you or your family's past that you need to disclose or discuss? This may not seem important now, but down the line one of you may want to build a media profile or even run for office, and knowing what you're up against and what to expect can really make all the difference to the decisions that you make.(*)
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  1. Partner 2 - Mom/Wife continued


  2. Now, thinking about your husband's family, please specify which of the following behaviors are acceptable for you?(*)









































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  3. And which behaviors are not acceptable?(*)









































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  1. Religion & Culture

    Religion and culture are deeply personal to each of us because it is the most definite thing we know - we grew up with them, the world has always been like that.

    When you have two people that are both thinking that way and both have strong views about the role that religion, culture and traditions play in day-to-day life, it can make for fireworks and big clashes.

    Partner 1 - Dad/Husband


  2. Which elements will your partner be required to learn, adjust or adapt to in order to meet your religious and cultural traditions?(*)










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  3. Which elements will you be willing to learn, adjust or adapt to in order to meet your partner's religious and cultural traditions? (*)










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  4. Partner 2 - Mom/Wife


  5. Which elements will your partner be required to learn, adjust or adapt to in order to meet your religious and cultural traditions?(*)










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  6. Which elements will you be willing to learn, adjust or adapt to in order to meet your partner's religious and cultural traditions? (*)










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  1. Holidays & Family Traditions

    How will you spend holidays, celebrations, religious holidays and vacations in your new family?

    What are the day-to-day traditions and ideas you bring with you as well?


  2. On weekends we will do the following:(*)















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  3. Christmas will be spent:(*)









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  4. Easter will be spent:(*)









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  5. Thanksgiving will be spent:(*)









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  6. Mother's Day will be spent:(*)









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  7. Father's Day will be spent:(*)









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