Religion, Culture, Kids & Family
CONTENT WARNING: Sensitive topics
In this section I'm going to ask you to think about a few things around kids that may be too sensitive for you to consider. If that's the case, just skip those questions and move on.
This is an important section, because it's where many relationships go wrong.
By making you face and talk about this with each other now, we're going to achieve two things:
1. Baseline Reaction
We're going to establish a baseline reaction for your subconscious to go to if one of these bad situations does arise.
Very often when we're faced with a major life altering or traumatic event, our system panics because it has no point of reference for how to react.
Now, because you have discussed the issue, your mind won't immediately jump to I don't know what to do or start jumping all over the place trying to figure it out. Most likely, it's starting point will be the very conversation you're about to have. So please take every difficult question you're about to face very seriously.
Listen to your partner, put on your best attentive face and really be present. Both take turns to hear each other out and at all times stay focused on being gentle and loving. If a situation like infertility does arise, you'll have enough trauma. Believe me you won't want to look back on more traumatic or painful memories at that stage of the fight.
2. Open Channels of Communication
The second thing discussing these topics now will do is make it easier for you to discuss them later.
In life, things are always the most difficult to do the first time around you do them - communication is subject to the same principle. It's always the most difficult to talk about something the first time, to actually let the words leave your mind and pass your lips, becoming reality in sound. If you wait to talk about these issues and you only broach them when you get to the actual trauma event, you'll have the added pressure and stress of the trauma to deal with - making it even more difficult to talk openly to your partner.
That doesn't mean to say that the decisions you make now are final or the decisions you'lll eventually carry through, but you will have have broken the seal so to say, giving you a platform for starting the conversation, and importantly, a head start idea on what your partner is thinking in that moment.
For the sake of ease, roles are referred to as husband and wife throughout the course.
- 1. Run through the questionnaire together, reaching consensus on each individual question.
- 2. If you are unable to reach consensus working together at first, then do the following:
- a. First you are each going to complete the questionnaire on your own.
- b. Then you will make time to sit together and discuss your results.
- c. Lastly you complete this questionnaire together. This time around you will indicate the boundaries you agree on together.
- d. If you are battling to reach consensus, then please seek alternative help from a life coach.