ALDG Acceptance Post 2 of 2

Part 3 of 3 of the Advanced Lightworkers Discussion Group Introduction & Acceptance Criteria Posts

The ALDG undertook a massive clean up in December 2017, and expelled 98% of our members.

Our group is small, tight knit, and we grow together. These three posts will tell you what is expected on joining, and the questions you will be required to answer publicly, in order to remain in the group past your trial period.

There are no exceptions to these requirements.

ALDG can be found at https://www.facebook.com/groups/LightworkersDiscussionGroup/

Read Part 1 ( http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/about-the-advanced-lightworkers-discussion-group ), Part 2 ( http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/aldg-acceptance-post-1-of-2-free-will ) and Part 3 ( http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/aldg-acceptance-post-2-of-2 ) of this series of posts. In total, they're about two chapters of a book. Maybe a little more.

ALDG Main Group Clean Up Pinned Post Part 2 - External Validation

The Big Ego Trap of External Validation

So as we’re going through the group clean up experience, it’s bringing so much to light.

Our first stop was free will - you are here by your own free will choice and everything you do is because you want to do it. We covered that in the first post ( https://www.facebook.com/groups/LightworkersDiscussionGroup/permalink/1722922951089019/ - the main pinned post on the ALDG group page.)

Now we are unpacking our next layer, which if you think about it is pretty obvious… if you’re taking responsibility for your own choices and stuff, then you are obviously going to question whether the decisions you’re making are “right” or “good enough”… you may even want them to be “perfect”.

So what we do when that doubt arises?

We seek validation… which if you think about it, is the only thing that can erase the doubt, besides going through the experience and realizing that you can do it for yourself.

That’s the thing about experience, is that you are only truly ready for an experience in the moment that that experience finishes, because you now know everything the experience entails.

Experience gives you confidence that you can handle SIMILAR experiences, but even experience is no guarantee that because you’ve done something successfully before, you’ll be able to achieve it again.

The only time you ever KNOW for certain if you are truly ready for EVERYTHING a unique experience contains, is looking back on that experience in retrospect afterwards. I was or I wasn’t ready for that, in other words.

LOL…. you’re always making it up as you go along. That part of the journey never changes.

So we seek validation to assuage our doubts, fears, guilt, shame, vulnerability, inferiority, and discomfort with risk taking.

In a few rare cases, we look for an internal validation - study something, read a book, meditate and pray, ask God for help etc, draw on our own past experience.

In most cases however, people seek external validation - so they’re looking for someone or something to tell them that what they’ve decided/thought is good enough.

As with everything, when you ask a question, you can get a positive or negative response, and validation is no different.

So every bit of positive validation is a +1 for example, while every bit of negative validation (offense) is a -1.

Staying quiet is neutral at 0, or should be - but most people see staying quiet as equally offensive.

Positive validation is what we call validation - and our instant gratification society has reduced this idea to “what makes me feel good RIGHT NOW”. So people feel positively validated when they feel good about what you are saying right there and then, in that exact moment.

Negative validation reinforces the answer we don’t want to hear, or something we don’t want to accept or face about ourselves. And this is what we call offense. So it makes us feel bad in the immediate moment.

So it’s fair to say in society that we see anything that we don’t deem as positive (makes us feel good right now) as offense or negative validation (makes us feel bad right now).

To understand this isn’t at all true though, you just have to remember one experience where you went away and thought about what someone had said, and realized they were right AFTER the fact.

Just because something offends you, doesn’t mean it’s wrong - it just means you don’t enjoy hearing it in the moment. Often, it is actually true, and the reason we’re offended is because it is true and we have been avoiding facing it.

An example is a fight with a parent or partner… yes, that person may be ridiculous, but that doesn’t mean you’re not also being dramatic.

But what you want to hear in the moment is that the other person is at fault, because then by default you’re right.

It’s offensive to hear that you’re also in the wrong, by being overly dramatic for example, because it means that if you’re wrong then the other person must be right.

Ego is all about hierarchy…. and all these labels ego brings are about creating hierarchy - being wrong makes the other person right. But no one said you were wrong - they just said your responses were dramatic and over emotional. You have control to change that - we call that free will choice.

Sometimes EVERYONE in a situation is wrong to some degree and needs to make some change and compromise happen. Usually it’s everyone, actually.

My first response in these situations is to FORCE myself to repeat the statement that offends me ego-death style (so repeating it over and over until it changes). Or I find examples from my own experience that prove the person right.

So I’m mean… I’m mean. I'm mean. I’m mean. I’m arrogant. I’m a know it all. I’m rude. I’m blunt. I definitely could be softer.

That was quick and effortless - and yes I could be softer, I agree. Not sure it’s likely to happen on the public persona though…. and softer doesn’t mean I cater to instant gratification ego desires in others. So I’ll just have to live with the fact that it pisses people off and people will dislike me.

Trust me - I’m about a million times more brutal with myself than with anyone else lol

How this applies to the clean up

This came to a head in the clean up when the recently appointed moderators formed an external group to discuss group issues. This is a line in the sand for me.

So to begin, I owe Jody Tracy an apology. I was actually so annoyed in the moment I found out about this that I genuinely considered shutting the group down and not wasting my time anymore. The frustration was intense. I removed Jody as an admin and gave her moderator status - and this was my one ego reaction and I am sorry for that. Deeply. I don’t like having ego reactions.

When the idea of a separate moderators chat was first raised, I said no and said I wanted transparency. I wanted anything the moderators discussed to happen in group.

The thinking on this is multifold.

First off - we’re advanced. Let’s act like it. There’s no need for secret, hidden agenda politics and stuff happening behind other people’s backs.

Secondly, of course there will be fuck ups and tail feathers ruffled - that’s the point. We sort them out in public so that everyone learns at the same time, and we’re ADVANCED - we can handle this kind of load. Also we want to change the rules of society, so we’re starting by changing the rules here.

Thirdly, not only the other moderators will learn, the group members will learn too by watching.

Being an admin or moderator isn’t glamorous - in fact social media management is one of the worst jobs in the media/marketing game. It’s sucky to admin pages, and you’re always dealing with politics and big ego issues.

In an ADVANCED group, we’re much more likely to have souls who will RUN pages than BELONG to pages…. so we want to give people a chance to learn and grow their skillset and knowledge by watching the other admins and moderators.

Also the run ins and tussles give us a chance to sort out the ego stuff and have real ego practice - like an ADVANCED group can do.

And all of this is happening publicly - so we don’t have to explain ourselves and our thinking, because it’s happened in front of people and they can comment during the process. Before a decision is made.

The point of the ALDG clean up is to change all the rules, to start operating as advanced souls.

By creating one simple rule for the moderators we achieve that. So we create one rule: anything that happens has to be transparent, and in public.

We don’t play ego games here - we don’t need private conversations and separate group chats - that’s what the group is for!

I will not tolerate ego politics and games - and I never have while I administrated the group alone.

I’m hard, forthright, blunt and mean (apparently lol), but I have ALWAYS played open cards.

Everything I have done has happened inside group and I have borne the consequences. I am not off chatting with a private group to make decisions about ALDG… I put it out there, we fight it out and then we make a group decision.

That is the process that will continue with moderators.

Moving Forward on ALDG

If you can’t say it on group then you can’t say it.

That’s the first rule - and applies to moderators and ME as well. Same as the NO MARKETING applies to me. Same as my daughter has to complete the group tasks. I am not an exception either.

Now I want you to spend some time thinking about what we’re creating and this whole concept of walking our talk as ADVANCED journeyers, and how validation fits into the picture.

When I meet a new client - whether or not they agree with me or know it - we work on validation for the first while. It’s just a natural part of the process.

So for the first few months I’m with a client, a lot of what I spend time doing is VALIDATING their experiences by mirroring my own back to them.

So someone will have a story about meeting an angel, or an extraordinary journey - I’ll validate with my own similar experience.

The reason I do this is because you can and will go insane without it…. this is the purpose validation serves in this context.

So I’m a fruit loop if I suddenly experience having a pair of wings, but I can accept it when a whole bunch of others are going through the same thing.

So the validation helps you carry the friction of the cognitive dissonance you feel with the information on the spiritual journey.

It’s no different from why we seek validation in the examples above… we want to do things right, make sure someone already agrees with us, know that our thinking is solid. But - big BUT - in this case, it’s about maintaining your sanity on the spiritual journey.

For me, ALDG was ALWAYS that place - a place where people could walk in and get the external validation they need for the stuff no one else will discuss. Sadly, it instead devolved into politics and hidden conversations and stuff behind the scenes.

We have an unparalleled opportunity here to create something groundbreaking - a real and honest group where we can say anything we need to.

Where we can say “I ascended” or “I met an angel” and be believed and VALIDATED…. without having to validate poor Joe Soap over there who can’t believe angels can be seen, because he’s never seen one.

We validate the important stuff here - and say the offensive stuff. Because they’re no different.

The offensive stuff just hurts you because it touches something “negative" that you perceive about yourself that you would rather have stay hidden.

But we tackle the unnecessary validation because we don’t to be filled with people who just believe and follow…. sheeple in other words.

We’re building leaders here - not followers.

Leaders think for themselves, follow their own paths, create a trajectory. We’re here to upskill those people because they need help too.

I picked a ballsy name for the group because I’m ballsy…. but I’m also advanced. And I’m happy to own it.

My life is lived by these high standards - and I call out anyone (even strangers) on fluff or lies or nicety.

This is a group dedicated to the best of the best of that.

Let’s not ruin our one safe space for spiritual validation by filling it with petty politics and bickering.

We’re ADVANCED - let’s act like it.

The core lesson of external validation

The mechanism that enables you to cross the ascension threshold? You have to validate it for yourself.

So if you think this little tidbit of information on external validation is something you can gloss over and ignore, think again.

No one external can validate that you’ve ascended - the place where you cross over REQUIRES you to validate it for yourself - the TEST itself is that you can self validate.

This, along with free will, is one of the most crucial - and overlooked - areas of spirituality and the personal growth journey.

Questions

This is part of the ALDG group clean up and these questions are required to be answered.

We check membership against the group clean up and pinned posts, and if you have not commented and made a public commitment, your group membership will be revoked without warning.

There are NO EXCEPTIONS to this rule.

  1. In the comments below, explain what you understand from this piece and how it applies to what we do on group here.
  2. Do you understand that any issue the moderators have with you will be taken up in group on a post?
  3. Moderators, do you understand that private messaging is cause to have your moderation privileges revoked?
  4. Do you understand that ANY complaint against a moderator or admin must be made in a post in group?
  5. Do you agree that privacy has no place in the group?
  6. Are you committed to conducting yourself at an advanced level of ego development in this group, including not to take offense?

Written by Chemory Gunko/Amara Christi

Chemory GunkoThe author and creator of the Life Coaches Toolbox, Healer, Life Coach & NLP Practitioner, Chemory Gunko, also known as Amara Christi.

To learn more about working with Amara, click here.

To read what clients have to say about Amara, click here.

To view Amara's articles, click here.

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