As women, a lot of us are guilty of letting sex slide in our relationships – it seems like too much effort, you don’t feel sexy enough, he doesn’t look sexy enough, it’s not something a mom should do, and more.
There’s good reasons however why sex is important to your relationship, and the most important reason is that it helps you feel bonded and connected – which is what you need to feel loved.
Your sense of smell
Have you ever watched a newborn baby and noticed how quickly it will settle down once it’s been handed to its mother? Have you ever wondered about that?
A newborn baby can’t really see very far and it doesn’t have any conscious reference or memory to know that this is its mother. What popular science teaches us is that the baby responds to and knows the mother’s smell.
If you read up on it, you’ll discover interesting experiments and anecdotes that support this, like if you take a newborn baby of about half an hour old and place it between two blankets – one that has been held by the mother, and one that has been held by someone else – the newborn will instinctively turn towards the blanket that smells like its mom.
Your system’s understanding of smell as bonding and recognition tool is actually built in from the very moment you are born, and while it consciously becomes less important to you over the years, it remains a crucial part of how we bond with our intimate partners.
Smell, bonding and sex
The fact that we bond through smell has been known back through the ages in Chinese Medicine and alternative applications, and is acknowledged in medicine today.
Every time you get close to your partner, whether it’s through foreplay or cuddling or sex, you get close enough to smell them. When that happens in a sexual context it increases the amount of time you spend in close contact: cuddling and touching and foreplay before, plus sex, plus cuddling and touching after, often for the whole night, because you fall asleep holding each other after sex.
When you cut your partner off sexually because you’re not feeling loved within your relationship, what you’re actually doing is making your body feel even less loved, because now it isn’t getting the physical stimuli that usually makes you feel bonded. This is why you feel more distant from your partner when you haven’t had sex or touched for a long time.
Sex is an important part of your romantic relationship, and regular sex will help you achieve the feeling of closeness and bonding you want much more easily than if you try to feel bonded first and then have sex. And when you throw sex into the bonding mix, it really does shorten the amount of time you have to spend working on the problem in the first place.