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Looking into the mirror: how to spot the lesson a situation is trying to teach you

In coaching and development work you often hear talk of mirrors, and the fact that situations and experiences come to teach you a lesson and show you an aspect of yourself.

How do you recognize these lessons when you’re looking into the mirror of a situation?

See that red car? It’s not red.

Look down at what you’re wearing and begin to describe it. I’m willing to bet you started by saying the color of the piece right?

So, for example you said I’m wearing a black shirt. Well you’re wrong – because technically the shirt is every color but black (or red or white or yellow or pink or purple or any other color you can think of).

It’s basic science… the interpretation of color happens because waves from the color spectrum are absorbed by the item being viewed. The colors you see are actually the waves of color that are bouncing off the item.

So the truest thing you can say of anything red, is that it’s not red.

When we view situations with our ego, a similar process takes place: we have capacity for the full range of emotions inside us, but we choose to only focus on one or two at a time.

So when we view a situation, we shoot the waves of our understanding of the range of human emotions at the situation in front of us. The emotions that are absorbed are the ones we ‘ignore.’

What we see or perceive of the situations are the emotional frequencies we’re sending out, that aren’t being absorbed by the situation in front of us and are bounced back to us.

Often this is simply because that emotion is happening inside us at such an enormous level that we send out massive pulses of that emotion – an emotional ‘charge’ around the situation.

As a result of this bombardment, the degree to which that situation is true of the characteristic you’re assigning to it will quickly become saturated, causing many waves of that emotion to be reflected back to you. This lands up making the ‘picture’ you’re seeing from your point of view, very, very clear indeed.

The immense amount of time that that emotion takes up inside you also makes you a master at identifying even the subtle nuances of it.

Emotion & experience take place inside you

Think back to a time you watched a really scary movie. Do you remember how you jumped, sat on edge, pulled your legs up close to you, got a fright, hid your face, closed your eyes and more?

In fact, the emotional experience inside you was so strong that it was almost like you were really there – it was really happening inside you.

The reason for this is that your mind just cannot tell the different between what is real out there, and what is imagined. It’s also why mental rehearsal is such a powerful technique – in fact studies have shown that your muscles and neurons will fire in the same way when you’re mentally rehearsing, as they will when you’re actually rehearsing as a physical act. Mental rehearsal is equally as powerful.

So you can have twenty people at the same party – each having a different experience based on their internal emotional state, and the emotions they are ‘sending’ out more of. Basically what people experience of the party is the emotion that is most strongly present in them at the time.

Red cars everywhere

Have you noticed how when you are considering a brand or color of car, you start noticing it everywhere?

It’s not actually that there are more red cars or a brand is more popular, it’s that your focus brings that color and brand into your awareness in your day-to-day surroundings. Basically your focus moves that color and brand onto the list of items that you are currently consciously aware of.

Everyday we process millions and millions bits of information – some of it completely unconscious to us, some of it closer to consciousness and then items that we are consciously focused on. The reason is that we process maybe 2,000 bits of information closer to our consciousness so that it can be one of the 7 to 9 bits of information we’re focused on in the moment.

So it works like this: all the information is in your head, but some stuff, like past life memories are buried far away and require digging to reach. Just the echoes of their effects can be felt.

Then you have the immediately conscious information, like you are reading this article right now, you can feel the device in your hands if you’re on a tablet or mobile and you can, at a moment’s notice, become aware of the temperature of the room, now that I mention it. That temperature was in the interchangeable section of 2,000 bits of nearly conscious info – you could access it the moment you needed it.

When an issue is a major issue for you, say you had a boss that treated you badly, or an ex that cheated, part of that experience becomes one of your main focus points all the time, or it starts to live permanently near your consciousness.

So when you see even a little bit of that emotion or characteristic somewhere, your attention is immediately drawn to it by way of your focus on it.

So the truth is that the situation in front of you may have very little actual dishonesty in it – it may even be a white lie – but your charge around dishonesty is so intense that you land up seeing it as a huge issue.

Well you’re right, it is a huge issue: it’s a huge issue about yourself that the mirror has shown you.

What are the basic mirrors questions?

  1. What does this tell me about myself and the people around me?
  2. What makes me feel inferior or superior to people and situations around me?
  3. What is expected of me and others?
  4. What have I sacrificed and lost?
  5. What has been programmed into me?
  6. How do I find balance and equality in my relationships?
  7. What does my soul want to teach me?
  8. What lesson do I need from facing my darkness?
  9. Which cosmic influences are at play?

For a range of free and paid Mirrors of Relationship online tools, please visit http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/mirrors-of-relationship-by-life-coaches-toolbox

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