Why you feel uncertain about the future and can’t make decisions
We tend of think of stress as a vague umbrella term and we tend to focus only on major life experiences when we think about life in terms of being hard and stressful.
While the past few years have certainly had their share of big life changing and global events, where it really nailed us was in the small, repeated stressors that were thrown at us – it’s almost like we didn’t have time to recover in between.
So what is a stressor?
In a nutshell, it’s an experience you go through, either positive or negative, that causes emotional, mental and spiritual turmoil, change and/or strain in your system, often affecting your physical health and vitality and mental wellbeing.
Stressors include death and divorce, but can also include marriage (which is rated as more stressful than a marital reconciliation FYI), pregnancy and changing homes, changing sleeping habits and routines - or even taking a vacation.
When stressors are classified, usually according to the Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS) ( http://www.integratedsociopsychology.net/life_changes-stress.html ), each life event or experience is given a value according to the amount of stress the experience would generally cause.
How it generally works is that you’d go through the list, identify the life experiences you’ve been through in the past year, and tally up all the values so that you obtain a score for your stress level over the past year. Your final score will then tell you the likelihood of you experiencing illness and dis-ease as a result of the stressors.
If you take a minute to do the test, and accurately add up all the repeats from the past few years (like repeatedly not being able to pay bills, or multiple relocations), what you’ll likely find is that this was cumulatively one of the most stressful periods you’ve ever lived through – even if you did not experience any major life-altering traumas.
There are a number of free processes available on my website to help you deal with and release shock and trauma: http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/how-to-deal-with-shock-and-trauma
You’re scared to hope
Another horribly detrimental effect that repeated an ongoing trauma and stressors have is that the constant beating down after you’ve gotten up eventually makes you scared to hope.
You reach a point in yourself where you forget to put stuff out there, to ask for what you want and need, because no one’s listening, no one is ever there to respond.
It really doesn’t matter who you are: if you reach out enough times and get rejected or get no response, you will eventually stop reaching out. Your relationship with the Divine and the unseen is no different.
The catch however, is that you’re not going to get anything that you don’t ask for – so you have to find hope and start asking again.
Start by hoping for very little things and build up from there.
- I believe that there will be parking bay near the door
- I hope that my friend will call me today
- I choose to have somebody wish me a good day
- Somebody will treat me to a cup of coffee
There is no order of difficulty in miracles according to A Course in Miracles, but for human beings we seem to believe that there is.
When you start with small things that you see realize, it rebuilds your confidence and gives you faith to start believing in bigger results again.
Gratitude Exercises are a powerful way for you to kill two birds with one stone: you can attract positive things into your life AND feel better emotionally just from engaging in the exercises.
It feels like you’re starting all over again
Whether you were retrenched, fired, lost your business, lost your home or got divorced – for many of us it feels like we’re completely starting over, and there have been no real results for us to show from the past few years.
On top of feeling like a failure, many people are also dealing with ego-based emotions like shame and embarrassment as a result of their predicaments.
The future feels uncertain, the economic and global outlook is not exactly brilliant, and it almost feels like what’s the point of doing this all over again – starting all over again?
Define success without using money or material possession in any way. Now look back over the past years and list the ways that you have been successful and that you have evolved and grown.
It’s very easy to get caught up in money as the only measure of success, especially in our consumer-driven world. Likewise an inability to meet financial responsibilities is a burden and stressor that weighs heavily on anyone, because it threatens your sense of security.
You’re programmed to panic and feel scared when your survival is threatened, and panic and fear are not emotions that complement optimism and hope – in fact they break them down completely.
Make a list of resolutions, a list of dreams, a list of desires – as many lists as you can think of for as many things as you want.
You have to put it out there if you want it to manifest and realize – if you ask for nothing, that’s exactly what you’ll get.
So tell the universe what you expect from this fresh start.
If the thought of compiling dreams is too much for you – or you’re at the point where you realize you can’t see your way out of this – then give the year to God/Source/Universe/Spirit – whatever works for you.
At a point, every journey has an element of surrender to it, and if you really can’t find the hope to move forward, then surrender.
Accept that it’s beyond your control, accept that you don’t have the answers, accept that you don’t know what’s coming – and that’s okay.
Say it out loud, sing it, record a voice note and loop it nonstop, write lines – do whatever you have to do to feel like you have surrendered this to the powers that be. Sometimes, the only way out is through ☺
- How to surrender and accept: http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/how-to-surrender-to-and-accept-situations
- How to transcend: http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/transcend-4-steps-to-shortcut-any-personal-growth-challenge