How do you come across?
By tone I mean what your voice sounds like and what emotion you are displaying with that sound.
- Are you calm and serene?
- Are you angry?
- Are you vengeful and spiteful?
- Do you raise your voice and allow it to get emotional?
- Do you moderate your voice tone and keep your pace calm and even?
What is your body language saying, how are you holding yourself and how is the other person reacting to you?
- Are you seated and calm, keeping everything level and even and sitting still?
- Are you sitting up straight and in a way that encourages the other party to be calm with you?
- Are you up and in your opponent’s face? Yes, that’s what you look like standing up, shaking your finger or waving your fist – an opponent.
- How are they reacting to you?
- Are they sitting still, leaning forward, eager to hear what you have to say?
- Are they backing off, trying to find a way out of the situation?
- Do they look defensive or scared in any way?
Intention & Content
Are you looking for a win-win or are you just out to win?
- Are you saying angry and inciteful things?
- Making scathing remarks that are designed touch on personal issues or be hurtful?
- Do you use threats and ultimatums?
- Do you ensure that everyone feels heard?
- Do you stop the BS in its tracks and stay on topic?
- Do you use peaceful and calming words?
- Do you aim to have everyone feel like they gained from the experience and that it brought them closer together?
It’s not easy to be the one that chooses to remain calm every time there is a fight or an issue, especially not when you get no feedback, input or even cooperation in the beginning – sometimes for months.
The first important thing you need to keep remembering on this journey to build communication is that you and your partner’s habits and patterns were not formed because of single incidents, they were formed with repetition over time.
With this process you have to give it time, as in months or years, and lots of repetition to make sure it works and sticks permanently.
In the meantime however, you need tools to help you stay calm in the moment, without having to leave the situation.
Breathe through your nose
One technique that will immediately calm you in any stressful situation is make sure that you keep your mouth closed and only breathe through your nose.
- Nasal breathing activates the higher learning centres of your brain, giving you better control over yourself in any situation.
Change your energy
Another cool trick is to change your energy.
You know when you walk into a room and you can mmediately sense how someone is feeling? Well people can sense that about you too. Luckily there are a few easy ways to change it.
- One way to do that very effectively is to look at the person and in your mind just keep saying over and over and over either ‘I love you’ or ‘I’m sorry, I love you, I forgive you.’
- Even if you don’t feel it in the beginning, after a while you will feel a breakthrough, just keep focused on your partner and repeating the mantra as often as possible.
Online Forgiveness Tool
Use this innovative tool based on the Ho'oponopono Forgiveness Practice to help you find forgiveness, relief and release.