Life Coaches Toolbox by Chemory Gunko

Understanding Dualities


The common mistake people make when working with mirrors, is to assume that what they see in front of them is exactly what is reflected within them.

But in truth, a mirror actually provides a reversed image and view. Energetic mirrors are no different.

In the case of energetic mirrors, which can be referred to as dualities, there are five kinds of mirror that appear.

  What are MIRRORS in healing and personal development work?

Understanding DUALITIES

You know that feeling when you “can’t let go” of something or someone? When you “don’t know what keeps pulling you back” to them? That pull you feel when you “fall in love” or “experience chemistry”?

When your mind and inner voice are racing at a mile a minute, looking for the thought that will help you reach internal peace and alignment? The thought of realization that will help you make sense of it all?

That “thing” or thought you’re looking for is the knowledge or lesson - the mirror energy you identify with. The moment you identify that mirror energy, or bring it to your conscious awareness, the attraction you feel to the person or situation entirely falls away.

If you’ve ever had a thought and then completely changed your behavior accordingly, then you’ve understood this for yourself in a different way.

This is how mirrors work…. we can “see” something is there and we can “see” that it has bearing on the situation, but until it’s fully revealed, we simply “feel” a longing and attraction to “be” in that situation, and so we keep creating it.

We do this by engaging with people who carry those energies, which we recognize on the subconscious level. Also we’re only likely to respond to those triggers, so we tend to focus in on the people around us who are like that, to the exclusion of others.

The concept of Mirrors in development is not new - but it’s not something you hear about often in the mainstream. Even in mainstream spiritual circles.

Mirrors themselves are the Essene Mirrors of Relationship - a series of seven areas to look at when you are working on your stuff. Each of these gives you insight into what is going on with you, helping to raise that knowledge to consciousness awareness.

To understand why they’re called mirrors, think of what a mirror does - it shows you what you look like in that moment. The Mirrors of Relationship simply performs that task on the energetic level.

When you drop that energy (mirror), it smashes - hence smashing mirrors. You can’t see yourself in a smashed mirror anymore.

The common mistake people make when working with mirrors, is to assume that what they see in front of them is exactly what is reflected within them.

But in truth, a mirror actually provides a reversed image and view. Energetic mirrors are no different.

In the case of energetic mirrors, which can be referred to as dualities, there are five kinds of mirror that appear.

All of the mirror energies share this in common though: they are energies that show me who I am (a piece or aspect of myself), and what I share in common with others by dint of who I attract.

1. Alignment

Alignments are mirror energies that are a direct reflection of what I show (express); a carbon copy if you will.

This is what we were just discussing - energies where you see exactly what you are in the other person or situation.

You see yourself when you look at their behavior and presence, and are able to relate to it completely - perhaps even understanding their motivation.

An example of alignment is a shared interest or hobby, being in love at the same time, or both identifying as a certain culture.

Another real life example of this could be a hypocrite - someone who does exactly what they judge another for doing.

This is almost entirely what people think of when they first encounter mirrors, or only have a small understanding of the process.

And you have encountered it… think “guilty conscience” or “it takes one to know one” or “he who smelt it, dealt it."

In this case, the idea of “a loving person lives in a loving world, and a hostile person lives in a hostile world - people are always your mirror” applies.

But this is not always how mirrors reflect in the real world.

Here are four other ways mirrors show themselves.

2. Polarity

Polarities are mirror energies that ARE THE OPPOSITE of an energy you contain.

So in our “loving person, loving world" example above, you seeing hostility in others can be triggered because you are so loving in comparison to them.

In this case, the lesson is here to show you yourself in contrast, because there may not be energies aligned to yours around you that can be used for that purpose.

So this is our first understanding of the real-life mirror - most of the pictures we see are reversed, especially after about 600 on the Human Consciousness Scale. Read more on the HCS at Human Consciousness Scale

The reason for this swing is firstly Twin Flames, who operate in dualities.

This means that one Twin carries the bulk of an energy, while the other carries a duality energy - think of the yin-yang. Each side is mainly one color with only a touch of the duality color.

Imagine those colors as emotional scales, like faith and doubt: that’s what the spread of emotional balance looks like in a Twin Flame.

With the overflow of Twin Flames on the planet right now, we are really experiencing the very black and white nature of this dualistic plane.

The second reason is the lack of other souls to benchmark against.

Yes, Source will give you lessons, but it can only select those lessons from the people, objects and experiences that exist around you.

In order to ensure that advanced souls become advanced souls, there have to be ways to continue learning, even if there is nobody more advanced than you to learn from.

This is where “everyone and everything around you is your teacher” comes into action, and why we also need to learn by teaching.

3. Complement

Complements are mirror energies that SUIT another energy - they fit well together.

So if someone is loving - a warm hearted and gregarious nature would complement that. If someone is hostile - a cynical and judgmental nature would complement that. Although it could also polarize, contrast and conflict it.

Complements in Twin Flames are fascinating… and sometimes you see awesome energies at play, like watching the primary breadwinner panic when money worry hits, while the stay-at-home partner takes the lead and sorts out the crisis. Usually the breadwinner is "Minister of Finance," but in crisis, the "Minister of Home Affairs" jumps in and takes over the fiscal responsibility.

They seem to perfectly “complement” each other’s weaknesses and strengths in certain areas.

4. Conflict

Conflicts are energies that conflict another energy.

To start with a subtle example, let’s say someone is usually warm and welcoming, and one person in particular brings out their ugly side. The presence of this person creates internal conflict that triggers a behavioral response.

In the case of catfishing for example, the perceived alignment of “equal availability to pursue the relationship,” i.e. both of you being single, is often actually a conflict, because the guilty partner is usually married and not free to pursue the relationship.

If you’ve ever known somebody who dropped someone the moment they found out they were married to, or involved with, someone else, then you’ve seen the instant healing of the revelation of information (smashing a mirror) at play for yourself… the moment the information of the marriage, or lie, is revealed, the feeling towards the cheating party falls away.

The attraction and longing that was felt was actually the mirror energy, which was what was keeping the relationship intact.

Until the moment of revelation, there was a conflict between what was being said and what was being felt on the energetic level. So the self was torn in two - stay or go.

The moment the revealed truth aligned with the wronged party’s principles around the issue, there was no more dissonance around whether to stay or go. It was EASY to walk away, because there was internal alignment and peace.

The person just “suddenly" changed their mind and could walk away - even if they’d been vacillating for years.

If we go back to our loving person, loving world analogy… your loving nature could trigger an adverse reaction to someone who envies you, for example.

In a funny (sad and haha and weird) way, the loving relationship I experience with my daughter triggers a conflict reaction in people who have mother issues.

Because they perceive me as having the kind of relationship with my daughter that they wanted with their mothers, and feel cheated, my loving presence is something they aim to find fault with. Especially when I will not dedicate my focus to them, or do things the way they want me to.

In this case, my loving actions and nature when it comes to my kids trigger direct hostility. A loving person does not always see a loving world, in other words.

Another example of conflict that comes to mind is telling the truth to someone.

What you tell them could hurt them now, but will benefit them in the long run. However they may conflict your loving actions of caring for their long term wellbeing by turning on you and blaming you.

One man’s meat is another man’s poison. In this case, loving actions created animosity and anger; potentially long-term, if not forever.

5. Contrast

Pretend that you can’t read for a second. As you sit here, reading these words, try to imagine that you cannot read.

Pretty impossible hey?

But if I said to you, go read something written in Mandarin, or Greek, using their original alphabet forms, then it’s easy to pretend you can’t read now, isn’t it? Well, you don’t have to pretend, because you actually can’t read it in most cases.

However if I now said to you, pretend to read, you’d know what to do - even if you made up the words or meaning.

You understand the process of reading, and so you have internal reference points of knowledge to draw on to be able to ‘create’ the contrast of reading vs. not reading.

But in the moment where you thought about trying not to read, you were facing that theme in isolation, drawing only on your knowledge of ‘reading’ as your mind jumped to it - reading in this language, which for most of you, is a mother tongue.

You may think someone is stupid, or not eloquent, until you hear them speaking in their own language. You may think of yourself as unlikable, until you find a contrast experience of having someone like you, and then your opinion changes.

Contrast allows us to see things in a different light, and often to extrapolate knowledge to things that aren’t there for us to experience directly.

So you can have a very bad childhood that creates a contrast of being a very good parent… you may not have learned the behaviors of a good parent, but by not perpetuating what happened to you, you know what not to do.

So your parenting style is built in contrast to what you experienced directly.

In our “loving person, loving world” example, someone else’s loving nature could be paralleled against another’s, or your own.

Tough love could meet unconditional love, for example. The meeting of these two could also be a conflict because they would create conflict in their approaches.

So you could see a “loving person” and realize they are too loving and you need to be firmer with yourself and others if you really love them.

One of the best examples of contrast I’ve ever seen is a widely-used NLP metaphor and story, wherein a lady who has a beautifully decorated home, with white carpets, is struggling to make peace with the noisy, dirty, loud and boisterous nature of the men in her life - her husband and sons.

Of particular concern to her was the dirt that they regularly trod into her plush white carpeting.

So, the client was led into a guided meditation. In this experience, she was asked to imagine to imagine herself sitting quietly in her lounge, enjoying the spotlessly clean view - the joy of no marks on her carpeting.

As she was settling in and getting comfortable, and really beginning to enjoy the experience, the contrast bombshell was dropped: "Now, become aware that this silence and cleanliness means that you are alone in your house, no one is there to love you, keep you company, be there for you, support you."

Legend has it that the lady left the session a changed woman, and that floor dirt was never high on her agenda again.

A simple parallel contrast view gave her the direct knowledge she needed in order to completely reframe her entire mindset - in a single afternoon.

Practical Examples of Mirror Dualities in Action

Below are some practical examples of the kinds of lessons that you can draw from applying the principle of dualities.

I have given examples of characteristics you’ll notice in others, as this is what most will identify with. But I’ve also included life challenges and circumstances so that you can see those in action too.

Mirrors are also reflected in the way we act - our behaviors. Sometimes the realizations are about behaviors and habits and things that are programmed into us.

It’s also worth noting that lessons flip flop in duality layers…. when you reach the top, the only way to go is down.

So, for example, after a period or lesson of faith, you’d need a duality:

  • Alignment: Another period of faith (which you wouldn’t notice, it would just feel like an extension)
  • Polarity: A period of doubt and backsliding
  • Complement: Growing your trust in yourself
  • Conflict: Feeling cut off from God or blaming God
  • Contrast: Meeting someone of low faith or high faith in another belief system

  • Mirror: You meet someone you find arrogant
  • Alignment: You realize you are arrogant
  • Polarity: You realize that you are actually rather humble about your achievements
  • Complement: You understand you need to be a bit more self serving and self involved
  • Conflict: You identify where your, or another’s arrogant behavior is creating conflict, or the new perspective makes you unhappy with the status quo somewhere else in your life
  • Contrast: You see someone you previously labeled as arrogant in a new light

  • Mirror: You think or feel that people don’t like you
  • Alignment: You realize you don’t like these people and don’t want to be around them
  • Polarity: You become aware that you’re really likable and these people actually like you
  • Complement: You realize you’re right that people don’t like you, usually in a specific environment, or because of a specific incident or behavior
  • Conflict: You identify and change the behavior that causes the original conflict
  • Contrast: You understand that this pattern of behavior continues across multiple areas of your life


  • Mirror: Someone calls you selfish
  • Alignment: You acknowledge that you can be selfish in certain areas
  • Polarity: You realize all the places where you are gregarious and generous
  • Complement: You understand how being selfish can actually serve you and be a healthy thing
  • Conflict: You become aware of people around you who are selfish
  • Contrast: You see how other’s selfishness lets you view yourself in a new light

  • Mirror: Your boss or parents criticize you
  • Alignment: You take their criticisms to heart literally, and start punishing yourself for perceived faults, or become reliant on their validation for decisions you make
  • Polarity: You become aware of their lacks and this alters the relationship with them
  • Complement: You take the advice on and use it to constructively benefit yourself
  • Conflict: You choose to return the criticism, creating internal or external conflict, depending on whether you return that criticism out loud or not
  • Contrast: You identify a pattern of inferiority to demanding perfectionists

  • Mirror: You are made redundant
  • Alignment: You align with being unemployed and being unwanted, rejected and a failure, and head into a depression
  • Polarity: You realize you are needed and go out and start your own (successful) business
  • Complement: You align with feeling unwanted and pick fights with everyone around you - attack is the best form of defense
  • Conflict: You focus on the areas of your life where you are successful
  • Contrast: You go out of your way to make yourself valuable in your next job, and to highlight the areas where you are useful

  • Mirror: You get a piece of bad news about money
  • Alignment: You begin to worry and obsess about meeting your expenses
  • Polarity: You realize you’ve always made it through and decide not to stress about it
  • Complement: You take risks over the next few days and lose even more money as the energy brings you down
  • Conflict: You allow your anxiety to permeate all of your life, creating conflict in other areas, or you decide to stay calm, knowing that this will blow over
  • Contrast: You stop and consider previous times you went through ups and downs and make peace that this will pass, or you do anything but act the way your parents did about money worries

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