Life Coaches Toolbox by Chemory Gunko

What Mirrors Are


The mirrors of relationship work on issues large and small, and cover the entire spectrum of relationships, not just romantic relationships. The process and understanding can also be applied to non-twin flame relationships.

As more and more twin flame relationships appear around the world, you need a powerful and effective diagnostic and analysis tool that you can use to dissipate the tension in your relationship, identify relationship problems and release energies and tension during fights and after breakups.

  What are The Mirrors of Relationship?

The Mirrors of Relationship are a powerful tool for working with relationships:

  • They allow you to clear energies (feelings) that keep you tied to a person
  • They enable you to clear patterns, cycles and people that you keep attracting repeatedly
  • They can lessen the pain of a broken heart, or minimize it significantly
  • They allow you to get past lessons and find a relationship based on the principles of spiritual emotion: love, gratitude, appreciation, loyalty, faith, hope, trust, respect, affection, care, belonging, unity
  • They enable you to clear away what could otherwise be major stumbling blocks to your relationship
  • They take away the intensity and emotional relevance behind issues so that you can move on and let go, or you can move forward in your relationship with more harmony

Using mirrors is actually surprisingly easy: it all boils down to understanding.

Once you understand how mirrors play out and how to identify them in day-to-day life, the mirrors process can be applied to almost anything you see, and will always bring understanding and clarity – there are always some mirrors at play.

Once that understanding and awareness is obtained, that’s the whole process done: you will have released the mirror and within a few weeks should start seeing active change within your life. The more you use the process and the more you shift, the more quickly and easily you will shift, until eventually release will be almost instantaneous when you spot a mirror.

All of this combined makes mirrors a really powerful diagnostic and awareness tool, but for most people they lack the practical application understanding to be able to effectively use mirrors.

Below I’ve taken every mirror angle that I use by default when coaching with clients, and I’ve given a real life, real world example of how you could see that mirror play out. Some of the examples are big and some are small, because mirrors can be applied to big life issues and small irritations.

The mirror of who I am

The mirror of who I am shows us aspects of our own personality that we ignore, deny, reject, suppress, judge and fear.

Here, for example, you could have a guy who is in love with a female friend, who points out how she makes her boyfriend jealous by talking about certain aspects of her life. He only sees that because he experiences the jealousy himself.

The mirror of who they are

The mirror of who they are is subtle and has a lot to do with our expectations of what we want in and from a person, and how those expectations are disappointed. It’s showing us the real person and the mask we put on them.

An example here would be a person who bullied their partner into marriage finally accepting that the breakdown happened because they pushed their partner too far, when they already knew that marriage wasn’t something the partner wanted to do.

The mirror of energetic charges

When you carry an energetic charge around an issue you can either strongly resonate with it or against it.

Resonance is basically your energetic body being aligned to the characteristic in question, like when you agree with a situation and it just feels right on every level: even your toenails seem to agree.

If you carried a charge of fear that you wouldn’t find a relationship for example, that could manifest in one of multiple responses: being perceived as desperate and clingy or being perceived as slutty because your default is to run towards fear instead of away from it.

The other main mirrors of energetic charges are what we judge and what we hold in awe. To see what we judge and hold in awe in action, weight loss is a great example. Somebody on a diet will judge others for eating unhealthily because they feel bereft that they can’t enjoy those things in a way. An overweight person may idolize somebody with a perfect physique, holding them in awe because they carry a charge that they can never be like that.

However these can also manifest from both angles: some of the overweight people will use the mirror of awe as inspiration to get to their goals, instead of just a reminder of what they cannot be.

Judgment also plays a big role in anger issues, and road rage is the easiest place to see it. If you’ve ever known someone with road rage, you’ll know they think it’s their place to police everyone on the road – but often they’re so busy policing that they’re actually the worst driver on the road, and you’re just holding on for dear life.

The mirror of what has been lost or compromised

In our world of entitlement and things, the mirror of what has been lost, compromised, stolen or taken away from us features quite often, as many people feel they were cheated in some way in their lives.

For example, innocence and naivety could have been stolen in the case of sexual abuse, or lost as you gained knowledge and went on to earn a Master’s degree. In a real life situation you may see an abuse victim go on to find children of the same age sexually appealing, perpetuating and repeating the abuse cycle. On another level you may see a very smart professor falling head over heels in love with a mousy, innocent young girl.

The mirror of what has been compromised is not always so easy to see, because sometimes there’s no clear loss you can point a finger towards. Someone who accepts their partner’s infidelity in order to create a stable environment for their children is not losing their relationship and home, but it is no longer the same, it is no longer complete.

And additional mirror that reflects loss is the mirror of people who have been lost to us. If you, for example, lost your father tragically in your early teens, you may find yourself attracted to people that display physical, emotional, personality and other characteristics that are the same or similar to those of your dad. Often this mirror comes to show you that it is time to let go of the grief and move on.

The mirror of expectations

The mirror of expectations has us look at others’ expectations of you, your expectations of them and finally your expectations of yourself. Often, expectations relating to the parents are actually about the divine.

An easy example of expectations in action is when someone is envious or jealous over something that someone else has – they don’t want the other person to have it because they don’t have the same thing for themselves. They have not met their own expectation that they would be the one that has the item in question.

Sibling rivalry is another great example of mirrors of expectation: I expect to be treated fairly, according to my criteria of what is fair. The moment I perceive that my parents (God) are treating my siblings (peers) better than what I am being treated, I am unhappy and feel cheated.

Children who commit suicide over poor or average report cards is just one of the extreme examples of the mirrors of expectation gone awry. These children are so governed by the expectations of their parents that they feel their life has no value if they do not meet those expectations.

The mirror of generational patterns and habits

This mirror is here to show us what we do simply because we learned to do it that way, and not because we ever made a conscious choice about it.

You see this mirror play out in cyclical patterns where the daughters of alcoholics or abusers land up marrying men who perpetrate the same acts on them and their children, while the sons become alcoholics or abusers. On a smaller level, it’s the fact that we send our kids to bed at 8 at night, because that’s the way it’s always been done and it worked perfectly fine.

This mirror is subtle and powerful. Once you start being able to identify what you do out of habit and routine, you gain a lot more active conscious control over what is going in your world, as well the in-the-moment conscious awareness you need to be able to effect change.

The mirror of active memories

Every single one of us has had an experience in life that has left an indelible impact. Whether that experience was good or bad, you were certain that you would never forget it.

That’s exactly what an active memory is: a memory that left such a strong impression that every time you think about anything near it, it blocks out all the other memories. If you had to imagine it visually, imagine every memory in your brain being on a TV screen that forms part of a massive wall of TV screens.

As you go about life, your mind is like a computer that references all the information contained in each of those memories to help you make decisions. It quickly searches through all the available memories and finds information that will most help you in that moment. The more experience you have in a field, the more data will be available to search through, and the better the quality of the answer will be. This is why experience makes you able to take better decisions in a field of expertise.

When an active memory gets in the way, it’s like there’s a virus that makes the search function stuck, and it’s only able to search that one memory file. All your answers, responses, words and behaviors for any situation where that active memory is triggered can only come from that one experience.

So when a woman experiences a rape for example, the active memory of the rape can cause her to clench up every time her husband comes near her after that. The only response her mind now has programmed for that situation is fear and withdrawal. Until the active memory is removed that will remain her response.

On a smaller level you see this with couples fighting: because people avoid conflict so much, they have a very limited set of behaviors and responses they can call on in a conflict situation. If they only ever saw their parents scream and resort to physical violence, then the only response they know is screaming and violence.

This is why people can get better and grow just through absorbing information in a written format: it gives them more options in to call on in the situation; it becomes a part of that response set’s memory bank.

The mirror of spirituality

There are some characteristics that we grow into and that serve us and some we grow out of, or that have been put there to challenge us specifically.

This mirror shows us characteristics we are meant to work towards or shed, but one of the key distinguishing factors will be that this is something you’ve thought about or kept being exposed to most of your life.

Being born with a deep faith or a specific interest in an area like forgiveness or messiahs would be a great example of this. Or you may find someone who has a vision of uniting the world, who is triggered positively or negatively by someone else who has achieved worldwide reach and success. So they may judge them, be jealous of them, hold them in awe or use them inspiration – the lesson is only presented to us, how we choose to respond to the lesson is what determines our experience.

The mirror of dualities

Something we’re hearing about often with the Age of Aquarius, dualities manifest in various ways as well, most often as polarities, conflicts and complements.

Polarities are where you have opposites in the relationship, for example the classic pursuer-avoider cycle. One wants commitment, the other avoids it. One is blasé about money, the other spendthrift.

Conflicts occur because the energy balance of certain energies is out of sync in the relationship. You’ll see this manifesting in an up and down cycle where the partners are never in the same place at the same time. If one does well financially, the other takes dive. If one gets healthy, the other gets sick.

The way to deal with this is to balance energies across the relationship; I find balancing them daily in the morning makes a massive difference.

Complements also work across the relationship and are where partners have a few specific places where they gel that make them super-compatible, even though from the outside you’d say they wouldn’t likely be compatible at all. As a very simple and classic example, take the concept of a BDSM Master/slave relationship.

The typical submissive or slave is often portrayed as being dominant to the world and submissive to her man (a duality within the self). Even though there may be areas where the relationship wouldn’t seem perfect or suited, say in social class or intellect, what they have works so well on the BDSM, sexual and intimacy levels, that the rest is irrelevant almost.

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Once you start working with a tool like Mirrors of Relationship, it can get addictive quickly - especially as you begin to see results, and changes in the way you think and feel.

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