Dating and online dating for twin flames and empaths - part 3

Dating and online dating for twin flames and empaths

So continuing on our previous thread, here are some more dating tips for empaths and twin flames.

When someone shows you who they are, trust them

We are very accommodating as empaths - and we have tendency to compensate for people’s lacks, sometimes from the get go.

If you see a major red flag at the start of dating someone, trust the sign - especially if you are receiving repeated signs.

If you reach a situation where you know this person isn’t right for you, then leave.

Don’t make excuses, give them second chances and try to find reasons why.

Definitely do not get caught up in the trap of thinking you can fix them.

Fixing will happen automatically in a love bond - you want someone who has reached a baseline level of development on their own, already.

Trust your first intuitive reaction

We have powerful intuition and psychic ability…. and we’re empaths.

This means that we automatically absorb energy from everyone we come into contact with - even in online text messaging.

When you speak to someone, note the emotions that arise in you, and note if they were there before or if they only appear around, or when you think about, the person you’re dating.

Your natural mirror will pick up the most dominant energy in the person’s field, and that is most likely what is being elicited in you around them.

If the emotions they’re eliciting are uncomfortable, or make you feel edgy or suspicious, then take that as your sign to back off before you get too emotionally attached.

Twin Flame bonds are hard enough to get out of or break - you don’t want to reinforce a Twin Flame bond unnecessarily if you don’t want to stay around.

Set some hard and soft limits for yourself

Think about all the areas of your life that are important to you and decide what your limits are in each area - and what you’re negotiable on.

Here is a whole set of worksheets to help you with the process: http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/single-dating-a-guide-to-finding-the-relationship-you-really-want-to-keep

  • Do you want to have kids?
  • Is it okay if your partner has kids?
  • Are you willing to live with them?
  • What kind of lifestyle must your partner lead?
  • Their approach to money?
  • What is their level of development?
  • Do they share your Godview?
  • Can you perceive growth in them during the time you’ve known them?
  • Is this someone you’ll be able to share your journey with, or will you have to keep it to yourself? Are you okay with that?

Once you’ve compiled your list, you’ll have a very clear idea of what you are looking for.

Know which elements are crucial for you - your hard limits - and understand which elements you are willing to be more flexible on.

The important thing here is your hard limits.

If there is something that you feel strongly about (like your partner must have a spiritual side), and you fall in love, it’s very easy to write it off to "opposites attract", because the “high” of being in love makes you willing to gloss over it.

Love is VERY ADDICTIVE for us Twin Flames.

However, when that in love feeling wears off, and real life sets in, the things that are hard limits are going to come back, because they were hard limits for a reason.

It’s very easy to love someone else’s kids when you’re snuggled up on the couch, snogging with the person you see as the potential love of your life.

It’s however not so easy to love those kids when everything you earn is being paid over to your partner’s ex for spousal and child support every month.

When you define your hard limits, understand your reasons WHY they are hard limits.

This is going to make it much easier to say no when the temptation of instant love gratification is dangling in front of you.

And remember, this is a very ironic universe we’re dealing with… set a hard limit like this and you almost guarantee that you’ll get a test from the universe.

Expect challenges. Expect to overcome them.

Test your date to see how well they deal with empath craziness

Please be aware that these experiments can lead to the person thinking you’re a nutball or not wanting to see you again. But that’s partly the point - to see if they stick around and what that will look like.

Pick a fight or say something controversial to see how the person reacts to you. Be a little belligerent to see if they can hold their own. You’re also looking for how quickly they get irritated with you and the situation. My favorite is flat earth ;)

Point out a flaw in them to see how they handle critique. This will tell you what their level of spiritual development is, and how they will react when you spot their lessons and point them out.

Be brutal about something to test how open they are to honesty. We are often forthright personalities to begin with…. we tend to drop a lot of ego and shame along the way. This leads to much of honesty taking place LOL

Someone who gets uncomfortable with honesty, or resists sharing themselves, is probably not going to keep pace. Also watch yourself for feeling suspicious around them - use your empath mirror to check if there is an energy of suspicion or lying around them.

How does that work?

Just notice if you feel suspicious or have concerns that they will lie to you when you talk to or think about them. Your empath mirror works by reflecting the emotion inside you, so that you can feel it as your own internal experience. That’s how you identify it - just notice what you’re feeling inside.

Say something crazy or do something you know will scare them, like give a prediction or read their thoughts.

You must understand that your spiritual journey, even though it doesn’t feel very far to you, is often miles and years ahead of people in the secular world. For many people, the things that we’re accepting as normal would previously have been in the realms of evil, Satanic or magic.

It will delay your spiritual journey enormously if you get stuck with someone who limits your expression of your soul and your walk with God.

You don’t just want any of your Twin Flames, you want the Twin Flame who is most actively going to support your spiritual journey, and who you have the best chance of growing alongside.

Don’t pick someone so far away from your level that you are always forced to grow apart.

Finally, go this person in a crisis and watch how they respond to you.

We have down days and low days and crisis days…. take it to your potential partner and watch what they do to take care of you.

  • Do they ask questions?
  • Offer to help?
  • Do they provide love and support?
  • Do they respond to you in a way that makes you feel supported and meets the requirements of what you need to feel loved?

An important thing to watch for is how quickly they gloss over the topic and change the topic back to themselves. If in five minutes you find yourself back in the role of supporter, talking about their life, then you will most likely NOT get the support and love you need.

Also, the quicker the conversation turns back to them, the more likely you are dealing with a narcissist.

Worry about them meeting your criteria before you turn on the charm

We are so used to being the biggest, loudest, noisiest, craziest, weirdest, most disruptive person in the room, that we tend to explain ourselves all the time.

Almost from the moment we meet someone, we begin to explain why we do things, what it means about us… justifying every little noise or movement we make, because we are so used being judged as weird, that we believe we have to sell ourselves in order for someone to get to know or like us.

Personally I call it "teaching myself to someone.”

Teaching yourself to someone takes a lot of time and effort, so make sure you find out if this person ticks your boxes before you really turn that charm on with them.

We are charming and irresistible and addictive when we want to be - and we know how to turn the love on and off.

You can always ramp it up as time passes, but keep a bit of distance in the beginning: this will give you the space you need to back off if you see a major red flag, before the other person is addicted and keeps attaching to you.

Speaking of time… take some time to get to know the person

Set a time limit in your mind before you start dating: x amount of dates before sex, or before a sleepover, for example.

There are two reasons for this.

First, you don’t want to jump into sex too soon, because it creates false intimacy through the release of bonding hormones, like oxytocin.

These hormones are designed to ensure we raise babies instead of kill them - so yes, they are pretty powerful. They make everyone feel that chemical rush of being in love, or bonded.

With empaths though, it’s a double whammy: once we start feeling the emotion, even if it’s just chemical, we attach emotionally.

Sex too soon means you are much more likely to bond to someone that is bad for you. And aren’t you tired of picking bad relationships?

The second reason you want to take your time is the biggest reason you’re looking for a relationship: companionship.

You are looking for a best friend and accomplice who is going to share your journey with you, be your confidante and support.

It takes time to see if someone has what it takes - and while someone can hide themselves over the short term, it’s much more difficult on an ongoing daily basis.

Especially in Twin Flame bonds, where the bond is designed for ongoing growth and development, you want to give it time to find out if the person you are committing yourself to is worth the investment.

Once a twin Flame bond is activated, you are committed whether you like it or not. Just look at how many Twins basically fall in love at first sight, on one or both sides.

Give yourself the space to make a decision before you rush in and let the natural flow take over.

Every story only exists because it stems from a recursion, so every story has a recursion that can be used to play your lessons out and achieve the desired aim.

So, your free will will be honored, because whatever you choose will have the potential and elements to ensure that you learn what you need to from the experience.

Use your free will wisely when you choose a partner.

Once you activate the Twin Flame bond, you will be connected to that person for life.

While everything is forgivable, having love is not worth climbing a mountain for every single kiss.

 

To view previous posts search "online dating" on my Facebook profile (Chemory Gunko) and the 2 previous should show up.

There are also empath and narcissist specific articles on my website:

These two are immediately applicable but you can find the others easily, by visiting the blog.

Written by Chemory Gunko/Amara Christi

Chemory GunkoThe author and creator of the Life Coaches Toolbox, Healer, Life Coach & NLP Practitioner, Chemory Gunko, also known as Amara Christi.

To learn more about working with Amara, click here.

To read what clients have to say about Amara, click here.

To view Amara's articles, click here.

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