Releasing Your Resistance to Forgiveness
In this section you will find tools that are designed to help you release your resistance to forgiving someone or something.
In Hindu philosophy forgiveness is seen as being compassionate, tender and kind, and having the ability to let go of the harm caused by someone or something else.
It is essential for freeing oneself from negative thoughts, enabling you to focus on blissfully living a moral and ethical life.
In the highest self-realized state forgiveness becomes the essence of one's personality, allowing the persecuted to remain unaffected, without agitation, anger or the need to adopt a victim mentality.
Under Judaism the acts of repentance and forgiveness are inextricably linked and Jews are counseled to never allow their anger towards others to cause them to lose sight of self-reflection and cleansing.
They Jews are also counselled to extend forgiveness to those who seek it, so that they do not delay their own spiritual development, or that of the person seeking atonement.
Under Jewish teachings, you have fulfilled your obligation to seek forgiveness when you have asked for it three times.
Compassion is an important part of achieving forgiveness, whether that forgiveness is for yourself or for another. And compassion is something we sorely lack in what seems to be a very lonely world for many people.
In fact, according to suicide.org, global suicide rates have increased by a whopping 60% in the last 45 years, with 16 out of every 100,000 people worldwide opting to end their lives.
The World Health Organisation (WHO) now ranks suicide as the 15th leading cause of death in the world and the 2nd leading cause of death among persons aged 15 to 29.
Globally there is a suicide that takes place every 40 seconds – which effectively means that between 2 and 3 people have committed suicide since you started reading this page.
This number only accounts for persons who succeed though, and doesn't take into account suicide attempts, which estimates place at 20 for every successful suicide.
Finding compassion for someone, especially when what they have done has left a bitter taste in your mouth, is a lot easier said than done though isn't it?
The following series of exercises is designed to help you be able to look at the person you want to forgive with more compassion so that you can find a way to release them, achieving forgiveness and inner peace.
You can do all these exercises and run every process you can find until you're blue in the face, but if you do not really intend to achieve compassion and forgiveness, it's not going to happen.
Exercises and processes are really just a way for you to focus your attention and intention, while giving your conscious mind something to do at the same time :)
Equalling-To
Remove Feelings of Inferiority & Superiority
Ego loves to trick us into seeing situations from a point of view of hierarchy... so someone has to be superior, and the other person inferior.
This tool will help you understand more about hierarchy, and overcome your need to create hierarchy in relationships.
Once you've equalled-to someone else, it becomes a lot easier to forgive them.
When you're feeling superior to someone however, you may not believe that they are worthy, or deserving, of forgiveness.
If you feel inferior, you may believe that you have nothing to offer and that your forgiveness doesn't matter.
The space of equality is truly the only space you'll feel comfortable in orientation to another.
When you're comfortable with a person, you're much more likely to forgive them.
EQUAL TO SOMEONE ELSE
Step Into Their Shoes
See the situation from both sides
Use this exercise to help you relate to the person you want to forgive, and see things from their perspective.
This exercise allows you step into their shoes, connect to a better time between you, and remind yourself that they loved you once upon a time - and that you loved them.
In the vast majority of cases, the only reason you have a forgiveness with someone, is because you have, or have had, a relationship to them at some point.
The reason you want to forgive them is because of that person you knew back then... the reason you don't want to forgive them is because you don't like who they are now.
When you connect to remembering the person you love (or loved), it will make the process of forgiving them way easier; because you'll want to forgive them.
STEP INTO THEIR SHOES
Remember Who They Are
Connect to the Person You Cared About
The only reason you're angry at this person is because you had, or still have, a relationship with them.
Often, when you have rsistance to forgiveness, it is because you are trying to forgive the person you're angry with: a person don't like, or perhaps even hate.
This exercise takes you back into the past... back to a time when you loved this person, or at least felt positively about them.
It becomes a lot easier to forgive someone when you like them, and believe that they deserve forgiveness.
So remind yourself of the good stuff - and remind yourself that somewhere inside there is a good person, someone who deserves forgiveness.
REMEMBER WHO THEY ARE
What Are You Sacrificing?
What Are You Losing that You Don't Want to Give Up?
When you let go of someone, you have to let go of the plans, hopes, dreams & aspirations you had for the future.
When you do forgiveness work, you often know that it's a final release of the relationship.
This means you're not only giving up the relationship, but the hopes you had for the future.
It's giving up YOUR future with this person that's what you don't want to let go of.
This exercise will help you identify and name what you are letting go of, and create some new possibilities and opportunities for yourself to move forward into.
WHAT ARE YOU SACRIFICING?
Dissolve Resistance
When You Can't Identify What's Causing the Forgiveness Block
In this exercise, we'll be connecting with that hidden and unknown part of you that is resisting forgiveness.
We'll give this part of you a chance to tell you it's problem, and release the block that it's creating.
Sometimes, no matter how much you throw at it, you just can't break through your resistance to an issue. And sometimes the resistance is your belief that you don't have resistance.
This tool gives you a way to connect to that part of that is resisting, and finally figure out what it has to say, and what it is so afraid of.
Exercises like this yield very powerful results, and can force you to face parts of yourself that you would prefer to keep hidden.
Remember - no one can ever see what you type or answer with these exercises; so if you're anything less than brutally honest, you'll only be cheating yourself.
DISSOLVE YOUR RESISTANCE TO FORGIVENESS
Lessons You're Thankful For
Is there Anything You're Grateful For?
When it comes to things you need to do forgiveness work on, it alwyas feels huge to you - often the biggest thing you've ever encountered.
This tool is designed to help you put your lessons into perspective, so that you can isolate what you're grateful for.
Generating a feeling of gratitude or appreciation can go a long way towards shifting stuff that is otherwise stuck.
LESSONS YOU'RE THANKFUL FOR
Limiting Beliefs
Which Beliefs Prevent You from Forgiving?
In this tool, we're going to look at the limiting beliefs people have about forgiveness, and help you change your mind about those beliefs.
From ideas like "I have to let this person back into my life and have a relationship with them" to "forgiveness means saying that they can get away with they did", we look at common reasons why you - and others - can't achieve forgiveness.
When you correct these misperceptions, you can really experience amazing things in your life - and the miracle of forgiveness is one experience you definitely don't want to miss out on.
LIMITING BELIEFS ABOUT FORGIVENESS
Priorities Tool
Analysis & Comparison of Up to 4 Points of View
This interactive tool allows you to create - and organize - a list of priorities, & understand why there is conflict between two or more parties.
Use the tool to compare and analyze everyone's perspectives in the situations, and compare the points each person is making, one by one, in relation to what others are saying about that point.
Another way to use this is to make notes during a fight, in each of the columns.
Then, once you're done, and have calmed down, you can analyze what you recorded, compare it point by point, and reorder the lists in order of priority and importance.
When you put stuff like this down in writing, it goes a very long way to helping you sort out your mind - and find real clarity.
GET YOUR PRIORITIES STRAIGHT
Let It Go Erase Tool
Kinetic Meditation to Help You Let Go for Good
When a thought, event or person is stuck in your head, this tool offers an exercise to help you 'erase' that nagging thought from your mind.
If you can't find forgiveness, and someone keeps creeping back into your thoughts, this is a powerful exercise to reinforce the idea that ou are choosing to get rid of them.
Because this a kinetic, or movement-based meditation tool, it's great to do when you are out in public, on the train, at work, or wherever. It'll probably just look like a game to onlookers.
Doing this each time someone pops into your mind (AGAIN!), is way preferable to dwelling on the thoughts and going into a pit of despair.
LET IT GO ERASE TOOL