Twin Flame Break Up Series - Was I ever really loved?
Did my Twin Flame ever love me? And if he/she didn’t love me... then was my Twin Flame real?
Sadly, there are a whole bunch of Twin Flames around the world that are waking up to the fact that their relationships were fake, or committed under fraudulent circumstances - we were lied to, conned or cheated in other words.
Personally, and sadly, like so many others, I found out that my Twin Flame had lied about being married when we met, and had been married the entire time we were involved.
For me this is a no go. So once I’d let the information settle and I was sure I was acting rationally, I ended it and burnt the bridges completely.
But as with any break up, there is aftermath. And one of the subtle layers that will come up is was I ever loved by this person?
For me, this comes in a midst of information that has led to me realizing that many relationships I considered major in my life, the person didn’t love me back.
They weren’t in love with me, even if I was with them. So this obviously compounds the thinking.
At the same time, there are additional patterns of people in my life that judge me privately, behind closed doors, but seem very happy to ride along on the shirttails of the awareness I’ve built. Again, using me and being around, but not loving or seeing value in me.
So as you’re unpacking this, look for the other recursions in your life where you’re feeling people don’t offer balanced love and equal return in relationships. These are layers of this lesson and contributing to your overall thinking.
The questions you ask yourself….
This question arrives in many layers, and keeps repeating itself.
So you have all these memories of your relationship, and in the months after you end your Twin Flame bond, your mind will process, organize, categorize and store those memories into your mental archives. That’s basically what’s happening when your mind keeps flitting to your ex after a break up.
Now however, each time a memory crosses your mind, instead of being a reminder that it is safe to send your love to this person, you will once again be hit by the shock of the reality you’ve discovered - your ex is a liar, lied to you, cheated on you, betrayed you, you’re not safe with this person, you cannot trust them.
With this new layer of information, each memory will be reframed before it is stored into the archive of your mind, and stamped with the betrayal of the overall relationship.
So as you look at each memory, you will now be able to see the lies in the memory. Tiny little incongruencies and inconsistencies will suddenly become glaringly obvious. Even seemingly innocent memories will become tarnished.
A great example was my Twin bitching endlessly one day about accidentally leaving the tap on overnight in his house, and his concern that he would face a massive water bill as a result. It didn’t seem like anything at the time, but now I know he had a young child in the house and it was likely the child that did it. It wasn’t a thought that ever caused me concern at the time, but I can see the lie now.
Over the medium to long term period, as each of these memories gets reframed, you begin to question the overall balance of the relationship, leading to the question of did this person ever love me?
How could they have loved me if….
- …they lied to me every day, all the time?
- …they watched me struggle looking for a piece of information that was adversely impacting my life and didn’t give it to me?
- …they didn’t value me enough to reveal their true name?
- …they never had any intention of fulfilling any promises?
- …I was just a distraction and toy?
- …they can just walk away?
- …they never considered my needs?
- …they interfered in my spiritual journey?
- …I didn’t deserve the truth from them and I had to find out for myself?
As many different angles as you uncover and see their lies, is as many different angles that you will ask this question from.
And then it cycles down to an even harder question….
If this person never loved me, then was my Twin Flame real?
This is a complex question to answer.
On one hand, the duality push-pull effect of the Twin Flame energy means that opposites attract in many regards, so you see empaths with narcissists, and very spiritual people paired with very worldly people. They seem to find the balance.
So yes, in that regard there could be a yes - they felt the love and attraction and bond and were drawn to it.
But on the other hand, psychopaths and narcissists are very quick to play on those emotions…. I have no one else to talk to, I was abused, you’re the only one the understands me, I am deeply in love with you, I need you, you matter, I can’t live without you….
Each of these is commonly used by narcissists to manipulate the situation and relationships.
So the truth is that it could all have been lie and you were never loved - you were used.
This doesn’t however mean the Twin Flame wasn’t real.
If you felt the bond and connection then you had a Twin Flame. I prefer Twit Flame to False Twin, because it leads to the idea that if a Twin Flame isn’t perfect and easy then it’s not a Twin Flame.
Not all Twin Flames are meant to be lifetime and you have more than one. They can also be family and friends. Some are linked only to soul aspects and some are linked to primary soul aspects and last much longer in your life.
You will always have a special connection with them once you’ve met them though, even if contact is not ongoing.
So even if you do realize that you weren’t loved, it’s important to understand that the Twin Flame bond existed.
Why? Because you are really throwing away everything if you throw away the spiritual journey and lessons when you rid yourself of the relationship.
Also, you can expect to alternate between emotions and flip-flop wildly.
Some days you will feel softer and more loving and other days you will feel angry and bitter and disappointed. These are normal reactions.
For the next few weeks and months your system will be adapting to the new information and applying it to help you let go.
That new layer of emotional distress added to each memory means you will no longer place your Twin Flame in a position of admiration and welcome - over time this means you will be able to let go.
Yes it hurts really badly to discover that a person you loved never loved you, or most likely never loved you.
And honestly, if it hurts this badly to know that they MAYBE didn’t love you, how much will it hurt to discover that they REALLY didn’t love you?
Maybe you’re better off not knowing.
And even if you did get a chance to ask…. this is a person that lied to you and cheated you for years…. will you really TRUST an answer that comes out of their mouth right now?
Some doors are better left unopened and some questions are better left unanswered. And maybe someday, when you least expect it, you’ll realize you’ve evolved into the answer.
It usually looks nothing like what you'd expect!
Love & light xo