The dread of facing your 3D work and money obligations
The 3D life that I lived in order to get me to my current spiritual evolution was - by human standards - a traumatic fucking train wreck.
In all honesty, there’s very little of the ‘bad’ stuff that hasn’t happened to me… I’ve been homeless, bankrupt, committed to a suicide and depression ward for six months, had two nearly successful suicide attempts, survived a pregnancy and had a child on my own, drove myself to hospital in labour, lost my home and all my assets, lost my business, lost the love of my life, been defrauded, been cheated, been catfished, been abandoned, been rejected, worked in the sex industry, been abused and raped, battled an eating disorder, had countless medical issues, including chronic diseases like epilepsy and like 30 operations as a child…. and that’s not even the tip of the iceberg, to be honest.
Most people can’t listen to my life story for very long - it was pretty damn traumatic to say the least.
But you know what scared me the most, for the longest period of time in my life? Working a 9 to 5 job in an office environment.
Without fail, almost every single day I walked into those environments, I hated it.
I used to feel the most horrible dread building up in me when I had to go into work in the morning - but I never linked it to my ongoing depression, need for medication, constantly getting ill, and my lack of will to live at all. Somehow that connection escaped me.
But, once I was partway into my dark night of the soul, and all that stuff had been forcibly taken away from me, I realized how much happier I was without all of that around me - and what unnecessary pressure that all placed on my life…. pressure that was causing ongoing depression and suicidal tendencies.
I was fat, I was unhealthy, I was unhappy - and I felt trapped. I felt like I had no choice but to participate, because money is survival. You need money to live.
Money is survival
When your alarm goes off at what feels like an ungodly hour - somehow always just short of ‘enough’ sleep - and you reach over to turn it off, you don’t quite properly go back to sleep, do you?
I remember, often, waking up, and in that pause of the snooze alarm, doing a full scan… is there anything ‘wrong enough’ with me for me to call in sick today? Because, immediately, what I could feel was that I didn’t feel like facing the working world again that day.
And then mental calculation of sick days used begins, and you wonder if you can swing it…. and if you’re up for dealing with the heavy disapproval that you know your boss will have when you do go back to work?
But, you get up and go in anyway on most days, because you have to - because money is how you stay alive, and if you don’t have money, you can’t pay your bills.
And even though you’re earning money, it never quite seems to be enough… so even though this job is paying the bills (mostly, hopefully), you still sit with constant money worries.
This fact alone - that you still can’t make ends meet always - is enough to make you resent going into work.
More, more, more
That isn’t the end of it though, because when you get to work, you have to perform. Really perform.
The job market is tight and there are number of people who are waiting to take your job from you, and so you can’t afford to give your boss any reasons to question your value. And so you perform and push yourself, finding the energy reserves somewhere.
And you have to compete with colleagues around you, making yourself stand out, reaching for that next level - because monthly costs are ever-increasing and salaries are not keeping pace, and so the only way to improve your lot is to advance in your career.
This is a pretty tall order when you’re not competitively minded, and when you’re used to benchmarking against yourself.
And so you work like a dog all week, probably at night and over weekends too, and in the moments in between, you collapse in exhaustion, grateful simply to pay the bills, and with no energy left to do anything other than be a couch potato and sleep.
You’re wearing a mask
As tired as you are though, when you get to work, you aim to perform - you push yourself.
And that’s not the only mask you wear…
I had a friend who used to say…. “The irony of life is that we have jobs we hate, to earn money to pay for a house we need to live near enough to work, a car we need to drive to and fro from from work, clothes we’d only ever wear at work, and items we’d only ever use for work.”
We do a job we don’t like, to make money we don’t need, to impress people we don’t get along with.
You wear clothes you wouldn’t choose to wear if it wasn’t required. And these clothing items are uncomfortable and hot, and cost a lot of money in many cases.
You have to hide ‘unacceptable' parts of your appearance… and can kiss a corporate job goodbye if you have anything alternate, like tattoos and piercings.
You have to hide the unacceptable human parts of you as well…. your emotions, your reactions, your feelings, your religion, your lifestyle… or at least the parts of it that are not secular or the norm.
You pretend to be subservient to people you do not truly respect, and you have to be polite and friendly to people you really don’t like.
You can’t be loud, noisy or distracting, or talk about anything that others would deem as shocking…. which is a tall order when you are as naturally shocking as many of us tend to be.
All spiritual types carry a a strong rebel archetype - it helps us to break the boundaries and seek new ways of being that are outside of the norm, to stand on our own and get the extreme experiences that will become our growth path.
But this rebel archetype makes us take risks and chances, go into edgy topics and ideas; places the world naturally deems ‘shocking’, are, in fact, home base for souls like us.
The target on our heads
This is what I would classify as one of the “you’re not going insane, this is really happening to you” set of messages. In fact, I’ve had clients cry with relief when they receive this next learning.
There’s a saying in dating…. you can’t fake chemistry. The truth is you can’t fake any emotion really, because we understand them energetically, we know what they ‘feel' like.
The reason we all have these common understandings of emotion, is because we’re all connected to the morphic field, which is like the internet of everything and all information, floating all around us. Our bodies are like digital devices that upload and download information (content) from this internet.
Two articles on the morphic field for you to read:
So one of the other interesting energy dynamics that takes place in the field is that higher energies are recognized automatically - and many of us spiritual types, we tend to have dominant energies.
Basically dominant energy means you are higher on the Human Consciousness Scale - read more at http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/the-human-consciousness-scale
This recognition automatically puts a target on our heads - and it’s why you feel like everyone is competing with and trying to one-up you… they actually are.
LOL…. you’re not paranoid; they really are out to get you.
Ego is all about identity and hierarchy - superiority or inferiority.
So ego seeks to establish identities in an environment into a hierarchical structure - comparing elements and saying these aspects are superior to those.
Because Ego doesn’t look for balance however, when it feels threatened (inferior), it seeks to rectify this by making itself superior again - by making the other identity inferior.
So yes…. your seemingly-evil boss is really out to get you and make you feel small in many cases.
For me, this realized right at the end of my adventures in the corporate world, as I was sitting in a company brainstorm session the one day.
If you follow my writing and teaching, you’ll know that I’m an ideas person, and this has always been the case. In fact I’m an advertising anomaly in this regard - I will keep on generating ideas until you make me stop.
So, sitting in a meeting with me, if you ask a question, it’s kind of like typing an instruction into Google… I return search results - really quickly.
And as we were sitting in the meeting, and I was putting forward a few throw away ideas, my then-boss turned around and looked straight at me and said, quite brutally, “Do you think we don’t know how smart you are?”
I was taken aback at the time - and really hurt and offended. So I stayed quiet… but the question stayed with me for a while.
For one, these were my throw away ideas, before I’d put any real thought into it - and this made me very aware of how much I intimidated the boss in question.
To be honest, if he was that intimidated by the throw away stuff, then the answer is no - he doesn’t know how smart I am. I’d be too scared to put in the mental effort around him and show him.
This same person had the habit of hearing my ideas and presenting them as their own a few days later, as well as constantly shifting goalposts and then belittling me because they’d changed what they wanted - again.
And so I also started asking myself - why did they have me there? It wasn’t because they were happy with my work - everything I did, they managed to find fault somehow.
It clearly wasn’t for ideas, because the fastest way to piss everyone off seemed to be to have lots of good ideas. Unless of course those ideas were delivered privately and someone could present them as their own…. and then it hit me like a ton of bricks:
I was there to make everyone else look smart. By looking stupid and being one-upped.
I’m smart and organized and efficient - and you’re not going to doubt that when you meet me. And that puts a massive target on my head, because when other people can show themselves as smarter than me, then that must mean that they are automatically the smartest.
By knocking me down from my inherent and energetic position of superiority, they assumed the superior role.
So, I realised, my job was actually to give ideas that other people could say no to, so they could feel smarter for knowing better than me.
This was why I had to give ideas even though they would be rejected or presented as belonging to someone else… they needed to knock me down in order to feel superior.
They didn’t want the actual work from me, or my mind applied to it; they wanted to say no to whatever I presented because they ‘know better’ and can see what I did wrong.
But it’s great to have me there as a back up in case they need someone to blame for it going wrong.
Same reason your boss wants to micromanage you… it’s about creating as many opportunities as possible to remind you that they are superior to you and know better.
At this point I realized that I could no longer deal with corporate and I bowed out permanently.
Speaking of corporate…
Every day you are traveling with people, and walking into environments, that are focused on consumerism and making money.
That is what business is - to sell, you need buyers, and sales generate profits.
Sales and money.
But your mind doesn’t quite work like that anymore does it? And each time you evolve and change, it gets harder and harder to buy into that world.
Your life is getting simpler, and your needs are less - but somehow your monthly expenses and the cost of living still seem ridiculous, don’t they?
You don’t know how to feel serious about deadlines and month end anymore, because your view of time is changing.
You don’t feel the urgency to be punctual and time driven anymore, and this is also down to your changing perspective of time.
Each time you surge, and the rebel archetype grows in you, you find yourself getting more and more frustrated with bureaucracy and petty rules and admin… and oh wow, is there ever a lot of admin involved in just about every aspect of life today!
And it’s not just your company, because chances are you are working in an office building, and near a shopping mall… which is where you can escape to on your time off and lunch breaks.
So you’re surrounded by consumerism and people whose sole focus is money, and at the same time you’re trying to simplify your life and become more non-attached.
You’re learning new understandings and perceptions of time, and you’re trying to force yourself to stick to deadlines and schedules and month end… and doesn’t it always feel like the next month end is around the corner? That the next load of bills is due?
And then you’re walking into an office building concentrated full of people who are feeling similar to you, and don’t want to be there either, which is dragging the energy down even more.
And that same environment is entirely artificial…. no open windows, fresh air or natural light in most cases. And you don’t get anywhere near enough sunlight.
And not only are you constantly sitting underneath electric lights (which messes with your crown chakra), you’re surrounded by electrical devices and EMF frequencies such as wifi and mobile networks.
All of this to (hopefully) pay your bills and make it to your next paycheck…. and you wonder why you feel depressed and that life isn’t worth living?
Or you wonder why you can’t seem to get excited and motivated about life?
Career and purpose… we’ve been sold a lie
This is one of the ugliest deceptions we face - that a career is a gift and that it can be your purpose.
"If you do what you love and it’s your purpose, then you will never work a day in your life.” What hogwash!
I do what I love - I live my spiritual journey and help other advanced souls. But it still feels like work - damn hard work at times.
The worst part of that pressure though? The monthly income required.
I noticed this when I first started my own business and was really responsible for my monthly income generation - month end always seemed to be coming up.
I remember saying, a few times in fact, that the only day I could rest was the afternoon of payday: the next day I was immediately back to start meeting the next month’s salary bill.
Because even if you don’t get “lucky enough” to find your career-purpose-passion, you still have to earn a monthly income… and that has become the main point of a job for everyone: monthly income.
It’s only about money and reward nowadays - and it has to be, because the costs just keep rising, exponentially.
There’s no time to think about anything else except meeting quotas and targets, making payroll, meeting expenses.
And when you spend so much mental time and energy focused on something so overwhelming, like survival and money, it becomes an all-pervading habit that seeps into every single area of your life.
So even when you do take the rare time off to rest and try and rejuvenate, you don’t seem to rest. Your inner voice and mental process are running rampant with the thoughts you’ve entrained into it, and you just can’t stop focusing on survival and money.
And since likability ensures your survival at a societal level (read more at http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/what-is-the-system ), you are constantly making yourself smaller, fitting into a smaller box, and shaving parts of yourself off to be more likable, to not rock the boat, to not cut off the steady supply of income you need to ensure your survival.
And you wonder why you’re unhappy with your life… why you’re depressed?
Money has become your all-consuming master, and it’s conflicting with the changes that are happening inside you.
The best advice I can give you? Surrender - do NOT resist this change.
Yes, there will be upheaval… you may quit your job on the spot - I did a few times. You may have to move somewhere smaller, take a less stressful job, or one closer to home.
You may have to adjust your lifestyle, send your kids to public school, forgo insurances, lose assets… but if that train has started rolling in your life, there’s very little you can do to stop it.
So surrender, because you are only going to cause yourself endless pain - and extend this period for way longer than it needs to be - if you resist it.
I can tell you that you will be grateful it’s all gone on the other side, but the transition will feel like hell at times.
Pain tells you where to look
These elements of life that are causing us unhappiness are there to tell us that there is a problem there.
Society taught us to “not make a fuss”, and to stick our heads in the sand… and now we feel compelled to do something about all this.
And this is where you’re most likely going to trip up and have change in this situation be forced onto you…. you’re just gonna get tired of shutting up, sitting down and maintaining the status quo.
As a consummate rebel and shitstirrer, I can tell you that it will feel scary in those moments, and you’re gonna make sudden and impulsive choices just because you are so gatvol (SA word for tired and just plain had enough, translates as “bum full") of the stupid rules and willfully ignorant people.
It’s going to become harder and harder for you as you progress on your journey, to fit in, to care, to believe that any of this actually matters. Because the whole journey is about learning that NONE of this ‘reality' matters at all.
The world is changing and you are changing, and you’re experiencing these things because we’re seeing where the problems lie in the world and in society. It’s designed to bug us, so that we are motivated to change it and do something about it.
You’re growing exponentially at the moment, and in most cases the chasm between you and most people in the ordinary world is increasing daily - it’s harder and harder to understand them and how they choose to live.
This is why so many big souls becomes hermits and remove themselves from secular life.
You are feeling the contrast, conflict and cognitive dissonance of the changes that are happening inside you, and this discomfort with your career or job is about the urgency you feel to start making changes to create a different world.
It’s meant to bug us - otherwise we wouldn’t do anything to fix it.
The growth you experience is going to roll over into your life, and eventually your life will begin to look different. And you will want the ways it looks different.
Many of us are on ascetic paths - and that means eschewing the comforts and luxuries of the secular world, so it’s hard for us to care about money and building wealth and success - and the dark is fighting back by making money more and more important, with the hope that it eclipses anything else we would want to care and think about.
You are changing, and so your life will too.
These feelings you’re having serve only to show you the parts of your life that need attention and change.
It’s a changing world
For a job as big as this, it stands to reason that you’d want strong players on your team - and that happens to be us.
We volunteered for these roles, and we’ve been working our whole lives towards this.
So stuff is gonna annoy us so when we see where problems lie, and then we’ll start doing things to fix them.
This is how we’re gonna change the world.
This pain is just the symptom - it’s not the problem at all.
The pain serves only to make you question what we can do about this, and start finding ways that we can change this.
Focus on that - give up your right to complain about it.
Those moments of trial are tough to go through, but they also offer the greatest opportunity for you to see solutions to these problems.
If you give up your right to complain about it, to be offended, then you make mental space for those answers to arise where the complaints used to live.
WE are the transition team - and we’re here because we can do this.
Just remember NOT to take it personally LOL.
(Of course there’s an article for personalization, thought you’d never ask: http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/personalization-on-the-ego-journey)