The Money Problem Part 3 - Your ego responses to tightening your belt

The Money Problem Part 3 - Your ego responses to tightening your belt

Look there is no silver bullet for this part - it’s going to keep coming up in small layers on a daily basis, and you will just keep chipping away at it, little bit by little bit.

Ego is a mechanism of separation, and so ego always aims to illustrate and indicate separation where it exists.

Very few separation issues get ego’s attention the way that money challenges do.

Please scroll down for the video version.

Ego loves to remind you that you are separated from money….and that little voice inside your head can drive you fifty shades of insane.

So the best thing you can do is UNDERSTAND what is happening to you inside your head, so that you can manage it moment to moment when you need to.

When ego separates, the first thing it does is create a hierarchy - so someone is inferior and someone is superior. This happens with situations too.

So the truest thing we can say of an ego experience is that it is anything that makes you feel inferior or superior to a person or experience.

The only two superior emotions in the ego range are anger and judgement - and just think about that. You have to feel somewhat superior to feel you have a “right" to be angry at someone.

Likewise judgement - in order to be judging what someone does or says, it automatically presupposes that you have access to superior knowledge in that arena.

So both these - anger and judgement - are superiority.

The balance of the ego emotions place you in a position of inferiority, and include:

  1. fear
  2. doubt
  3. resistance
  4. embarrassment
  5. humiliation
  6. shame
  7. vulnerability
  8. guilt
  9. frustration
  10. impatience
  11. jealousy
  12. envy
  13. possessiveness
  14. competition

And then finally, the surprising two ego emotions…. awe and admiration, which both place you in a position of inferiority to the object of your admiration.

So if you are feeling any of the emotions listed above, it is YOUR ego reaction or response - because those are the only emotions and thoughts you can ever be sure are driving what you feel, and are experiencing.

This isn’t exactly the ego that you’ve been taught about previously is it?

Nope - you’ve been told that ego is that guy that is ARROGANT, who makes you feel less important.

But just think about that scenario for a moment… someone walks in and is confident, and this makes you feel inferior.

But you don’t want to take responsibility for that - because it means work and anyway, you’re never wrong - and so you PROJECT that concept and energy outwards, labelling the other person as arrogant.

If a person was truly arrogant then EVERYONE would find them arrogant - and that is NEVER the case. It doesn’t matter how arrogant the person is deemed to be, those closest always say something different.

Even if you think about arrogance it seems obvious as a projected mirror - arrogance is when YOU feel that the other person believes that they are more important than you.

In other words you have looked at their words, body language, knowledge, demeanour and behaviour, and YOU have decided that the sum total of those actions means that this person thinks they are better than you.

And honestly that last little bit is the real giveaway…. we hardly think about anyone except ourselves ever - so why would this person be centering their being around you? Worrying about being better than you?

In most cases, when you meet a so-called “arrogant” person, you usually meet them for the first time…. so what exactly did you do that would contribute to them seeing you as threat and wanting to be superior to you? You’re a stranger to them.

You’re as much of a stranger to them as they are to you. Do you worry about strangers all the time?

We don’t call people we know arrogant - except in the case of true narcissists and psychopaths. If we know someone personally, we tend to call them mean or angry or rude or selfish.

No, “arrogance" is reserved for those we don’t usually know well, or at all. People we see, or have seen at a distance. The label is mostly applied to people we hardly know at all, and based on a singular experience.

So we look at this person we don’t know, and have only seen for a moment, and decide that they are self important and believe that they are superior to us. Often without any conversation that actually validates this. But we’ll look for meaning to interpret to prove that anyway.

Why isn’t the person mean or rude? Why are arrogant and egotistical so quickly applied in this scenario?

Because we don’t actually understand what ego is.

So let’s boil it down to a nutshell.

Ego is a mechanism of separation. It creates separation between you and something else.

Think about anything that has caused you pain. Now, identify the thing you were separated from.

You can be separated from people, experiences, money, hope, friendship, love - you name it. And the pain is ALWAYS separation of some sort.

So if you are SEPARATED from something you are experiencing ego.

But notice that the experience of perceived separation is taking place inside of you.

The are two kinds of losses: sacrifice or having something taken away.

When you are losing something you are used to, it’s a habit that you’re breaking. A habit of comfort usually. This is having something taken away.

How do I know this won’t kill you? Let’s do an experiment.

Take your wallet, watch, jewellery and any other small treasures, and pile them on your desk or your bed.

Now, step back. You still okay? Well then try another step. And another. And another.

Keep walking further and further and further and further away until you really understand that NOTHING bad has happened to you.

It doesn’t matter how far you get away from all that “stuff,” you can still breathe and walk and you don’t have a third arm growing our of your head.

Also, you were born without all that stuff and you were perfect. You’ve survived without it before.

This is how I knew this experiment was safe for you to do at home LOL

The second kind of loss is sacrifice.

Sacrifice means you never had it, but you wanted it, and then you had to give up because you didn’t get what you want.

You know, when you read it that way, it truly sounds like the kind of whiny brat complaint that it actually is.

You’re moaning about the LOSS of something you NEVER had, but wanted?

If you NEVER had it, you have already proven you can live without it. You’ll be fine.

But somehow, your ego is still bruised.

And even though we’ve dropped a few of the more common money mirrors above, we still need to give you a toolkit to deal with the other day to day ego issues that arise when you aren’t near a computer to read the advice ;)

Your inner voice I mean :)

The 7Ps of ego

Like all the ego work here, the 7Ps are copyright Chemory Gunko. You may republish articles of mine, but you are required to credit me and backlink to my Facebook profile ( https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100009562782876 ) or the Life Coaches Toolbox website ( http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/ ).

So ego likes to manifest itself in one of seven ways; the 7Ps of ego:

  1. Personalization – I am separate and have these characteristics
  2. Projection – that person is separate and has these characteristics
  3. Possession – that object is separate, has these characteristics and I can possess it
  4. Privacy – I will hold this thought (person/object) separate
  5. Protection – I will hold this thought (person/object) separate to keep it safe
  6. Parallels – this thought/person/object is separate and has these characteristics when compared to another thought/person/object
  7. Power - I will control this person, thought, object and hold it separate because it gives me power or I believe it empowers me

How you use the understanding below is you look at the little issue you are facing, identify which P it belongs to, and then apply the questions.

Personalization

Personalization is when we go into victim mode, and we assume that this is "only happening to me".

Loads of shame and doubt here and you want to hide away. You tend to personalise blame and pain, laying blame on yourself and finding yourself unworthy.

With this you are more inclined towards suicidal tendencies, depression and despair, asking yourself questions like: what is wrong with me?

You tend towards thoughts like “I am not worthy/wanted."

Another layer of personalisation that occurs is the personalisation of self importance - and your sense of self importance is very attacked when your lifestyle needs are not being met, because we build our self worth based on what we can afford and the freedom that affords us.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What am I taking personally?
  • What do I think is aimed at me?
  • What do I think is being done by or to me?

Projection

When we project, it’s often because we don’t want to take blame, which can often be driven by a sense of self importance.

Additionally, projection of issues enables us to avoid taking responsibility - we can’t do anything about it if it’s someone else’s fault.

A nice way to understand the difference between a narcissist/psychopath and an empath is: a narcissist personalises importances and projects blame, while an empath projects importance and personalises blame.

So a narcissist is more likely to attack outwards and an empath more likely to attack themselves.

So where that empath characteristic would lead to suicide in personalisation, with projection it turns into external attack of some sort.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What am I assigning to someone else?
  • What do I blame others for?
  • What do I give others credit for?
  • Where do I take blame that I shouldn’t?

Possession

The loss of possessions is something that tends to hit us very hard on the money journey, but really as it pertains to our day to day lives.

You don’t always get to a stage of selling possessions, but you do experience a loss in income that changes the way you spend, and the possessions you accumulate going forward.

It’s habit you see.

You’re used to walking into the mall and going to a few certain stores, with one or two stores that you buy from each time.

Now maybe you can only buy from one store - or none at all.

So why are you at the mall then? Oh right… retail therapy is also entertainment, and now you don’t know how to keep your mind occupied.

A habit is like an addiction… you need your fix, and if you don’t do what you’re used to doing, you feel wrong - or even bereft and deprived.

But the torture doesn’t end there… when you get out the car, you’re used to grabbing a certain number of bags, feeling the weight in your hands, so you feel bereft all over again.

And then when you get inside, you suddenly have an extra fifteen minutes on your hands that you would usually spend unpacking groceries and bags.

And so you feel bereft again.

It’s going to happen like this over and over and over again - each time you pass your favourite coffee store or have to calculate mentally if you can join your friends for lunch.

And then the shame kicks in...

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What do I want to possess or own?
  • Why am I so attached to this?
  • What do I think it will give me?

Privacy

We really tend to hide out of shame don’t we?

As if someone seeing us would mean that they automatically know that terrible dark secret we’re carrying, and we desperately hope no one will find out.

Just think about how you do that - go somewhere and worry the whole time people will find out about something. It’s all-consuming. You constantly watch every little thing you say, afraid you’ve given up the game.

Privacy is a killer - and it’s all about doubt, humiliation, embarrassment and shame.

It’s a lot about jealousy and competition too… “If I look good enough next to these people then I must be okay. As long as they don’t find out that…”

The fastest and best way out the privacy cycle? Tell someone! Tell a couple of people if you can.

Each time you verbalise something, you realise a little more that you will be fine. So break privacy as quickly as possible with any of the ego layers.

You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how effective it is as a strategy.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What thoughts am I holding private?
  • Where am I lying?
  • Where am I not telling the whole truth?
  • What am I hiding?

Protection

When it comes to money, you want to protect two things: your lifestyle/comfort, and your reputation - how other people view you.

But, what we resist persists… and you will lose things you are desperately trying to hold onto and protect.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • What do I want to protect?
  • What am I attached to?
  • What am I scared of losing?

Parallels

In that moment when you’re standing next to your friend at the coffee cart while she’s buying her 4th cappuccino for the day, you can’t help but compare yourself to her and draw parallels.

That’s what this mirror is all about: "look how inadequate or wonderful you are compared to that person over there."

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Who am I comparing myself to?
  • What am I jealous or envious of?
  • Why do I think this will make my life or experience better?

Power

We all feel powerful or not, to a lesser or smaller degree - and in the modern world, money is power.

So when you face money issues, it definitely attacks your sense of personal power, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy all around.

In addition, power has another element - responsibility.

Often, we don’t want to take responsibility for what we’ve done to cause the situation - and we are certainly lazy to get up and do something to fix it.

Especially when we feel so powerless and hopeless after everything else we’ve done to try and rectify it already…

So we wait and hope for the next shift, the miracle, the silver bullet that will magically fix everything, and we hold onto that dream.

Because it means we don’t have to take responsibility for where we are.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Where do I give away my power?
  • Who do I see as powerful or having power over me?
  • Where do I exert power and control over others?
  • Do I use my power wisely?

Read more articles on ego at http://lifecoachestoolbox.com/index.php/ego-ego-deaths-rabbit-hole

 

The Money Problem Video Series Part 3 - Your ego responses to tightening your belt

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