
Remember Who They Are
💠 REMEMBER THE PERSON YOU CARED ABOUT 💠
One of the reasons forgiveness can be so hard, is that our anger at the guilty party leads us to believe that they don't deserve good things.
The Remember Who They Are tool is designed to help you connect to the person you cared about - before they became the person you are angry at.
Remember Who They Are
In these exercises, we're going to help you put your relationship with this person into perspective, and hopefully change the way you feel about them: at least, enough to get you to the point of forgiveness.
We only fight with people we care about.
Don't believe me? Name someone you don't have a relationship with, that you don't care about, that you're having an ongoing fight with.
In order for someone to matter enough for us to have an ongoing fight with them now, they usually had to have mattered to us (positively) at some point in the past.
In order for them to have mattered to us, we need have had some level of relationship with them, and usually a period of time where things were good between us.
However, when the one event that needs forgiving happens, it tends to jump put front & center in our minds, and it eclipses the rest of the relationship - even if they majority of the relationship was good.
So now, when we look at the person, we only 'see' the person we're angry at; the person who committed this infraction that needs to be forgiven.
But, we're angry at this person, and a side effect of our anger is that we don't believe that they deserve our forgiveness.
In order to forgive this person, we need to believe that they do deserve our forgiveness - and in order to do that, we need to remember the person we cared about; the person we had the relationship with.
In these three Remember Who They Are tools, we're going to tackle this concept.
We'll start by putting the relationship into perspective first; reminding you of the whole big picture.
Then we're going to spend some time reframing your internal picture of the person, and change the way you feel about them a little bit.
Then lastly, you'll find some healing & coaching questions that will help you focus back on the time when the relationship with the person was good, and bring it more clearly to mind for you.
At the end of this process, you'll find that your feelings towards the person have softened - especially if you do the exercises properly, and with intent.
Put Your Relationship In Perspective
In the Put Your Relationship In Perspective tool, we're going to remind you of the big picture of the relationship you have with this person, and help you reduce the relevance & importance of the infraction that needs to be forgiven.
Below you'll see a whole bunch of buttons to upload pictures for this tool.
You don't need to upload pictures in all 16 spots, but it's a pretty impressive illustration if you do upload all of the pictures - and it's VERY powerful as a healing experience.

Change How You Feel About This Person
In this tool we're going to play with the picture you have in your head of this person.
Grab two pictures of someone else you know & care about; a recent picture, and one from a few years back; ten years or more would give you a good contrast. If you have kids, use pictures of your kids.
Look at the two pictures & notice what you're feeling. Observe how the two different pictures evoke slightly differnet feelings & memories, and how the older picture takes you further back in time.
We're going to evoking the same visual/mental mechanism in this exercise. We're going to change the appearance of a picture of the person, so that it elicits a different emotional response in you.
You bgein by uploading a picture of the person that means something to you. A favourite picture, or an important memory. Or a recent picture, reflecting the person you're angry at.
Once you've uploaded the image, there are all manner of goodies you can play with to 'change' the feel of the picture.
If your primary emotion is fear, you can use the color overlays, and items like the TV screen or helmet to create a barrier of safety between you & this person.
If you feel like you need some protection & distance, we've included some angels for you to place between you & the picture representing the person.
Otherwise you can use any combination of stuff, applying hats & glasses & masks, to make the picture look at ridiculous as you want. If all the little objects are in the way, then just close them using the little grey crossmarks.
The items are draggable, which won't always work on mobile devices... so we've included options on the buttons in case your mobile device or tablet doesn't support the drag function.
The point is to just play & have fun until the feeling you have inside you about this person changes.
Laughter is a fantastic way to create a change in the way you're feeling, and a good laugh can melt away even the most intense anger.
So play and have fun, and just ALLOW the change to take place.





































































Remember Who They Are Coaching & Healing Questions
Now that we've done work to soften the way you're feeling about the situation & the guilty party, we're going to look back on your relationship with this person.
The questions can be answered in your head, out loud, or by typing them. The value of typing, or speaking out loud, is that it forces you to verbalize your thoughts better, so you shift more effectively.
If you type your answers out, you can also go back and read them in a thread - which often yields big picture insights, as well as additional insights you might have missed.
You don't need to save the typed results - and you'll never look over them again, even if it's a HUGE shift.
The value for you lies in the process of clarifying your thoughts in order to express them clearly in written format.
In a very basic nutshell... when you have to THINK properly to get a clear thread, in order to write it down so that someone else COULD understand it (if they read it), you actually improve the way you understand it, and therefore experience a deeper level of healing & release.
How did you meet this person?
What's the earliest memory you have of this person?
What did you think of this person at first?
Did you expect them to still be part of your life now?
What did you like about this person?
What is a good memory you shared with this person?
When you used to talk about them, what positive things did you used to say?
What role did you hope this person would play in your life?
Did you have plans for the future with this person?
Why did you want to keep them in your life, and keep them around?
What did you enjoy doing with this person?
Why did you enjoy having this person around?
How is your life different, in a good way, because of what this person brought?
Say anything nice about this person - big or small.
What do you owe this person gratitude for?
How did they add value to your life?
What has changed in your relationship now? What have you lost?
What are you sad that you will have to give up or lose now that everything has changed?
If you could turn back time, what would you do differently?
What advice would you give to your younger self about this relationship, knowing what you know now?
What would you say to this person if you could say anything, without fear of repercussions?
What are you embarrassed about havind said, done, thought or felt, when it comes to this person?
What are you afraid of facing about this person?
Why do you need their forgiveness?
Get Help
Once you start working with healing tools, it can get addictive quickly - especially as you begin to see results, and changes in the way you think and feel.
So, you might suddenly realize you want to go even further, and probably faster, or you've hit a major stumbling block that you need help clearing, or you are in shifting overload and experiencing physical, emotional and mental symptoms you need help with. That's what this section is for!
Simply pop us a message - or reach out via one of the message services listed below - and we'll have a coach or healer get back to you to assist you. This is a paid for service.