In any situation there are always three positions, positions A & B being the two parties or sides involved in the situation, and then position C, that of the bystander, witness or watcher.
When it comes to forgiveness, the need to forgive takes place for the victim, perpetrator and witness or bystander.
If you've been working on a situation but still haven't found the release point, then this set of questions is designed to help you understand and analyze the situation in question from all three points of view.
This way, you can better understand how you've internalized the situation, and maybe find the lever that may give you forgiveness and peace.
You can use the question set in a number of ways.
You can simply just read through adn answer the questions in your mind, or even verbalize your answers out loud.
Or you could write down yor answers... healing always moves faster when you verbalize the answers you're getting. Writing is liek saying it with picture symbols - so it's halfway between talking and drawing.
When you verbalize, you absord the lesson on a conscious level, and are better able to process the resulting change that will take place in your life.
Think of it like this... if you know you've let go of someone or a situation, and you wake up teh next morning, and you are no longer missing them, or in pain because they are gone, then you know why and can roll with it.
But if you suddenly wake up after a night of crying, and you just don't feel anything for the person anymore, you don't know why it happened. So you might mistake it for going numb, for example.
The surperiority of work on the level of consciousness, is that it enables you to accept the results that the healing brings, because you can trace it back.
So, the more effort you put into verbalizing your stuff on the conscious level, the faster you will be able to shift stuff.
The other way to use this question set is with someone else.
Simply get someone you trust to ask you some or all of the questions in a conversation format.
You never have to answer all the questions - unless you really want to go deep.
It's perfectly fine if you answer only the question or questions that jump out at you.
The questions that jump out at you, only jump out at you because you have energies to shift in that area.
General Forgiveness Coaching Questions
Briefly describe the situation you would like to achieve forgiveness for.
How is your lack of forgiveness in this situation causing you difficulty?
How will your life be better once you've achieved forgiveness in this instance?
How could your life be worse if you don't find forgiveness in this instance?
With years and maturity behind you now, can you look back on the event or situation and consider that you misinterpreted the situation?
How would your life have been better if that situation had not happened?
How would your life have been worse if that situation had not happened?
What lessons did the experience teach you?
How have those lessons helped or harmed you?
Did the experience create any limiting beliefs that prevent you from participating fully? eg. A belief that everyone gets divorced may prevent you from ever trusting a partner fully and completely.
Which people of value have you met as a result of this experience unfolding?
How would your life have been better or worse if you hadn't met those people?
If the trade off for the experience was the people met and lessons learned, could it have been worth it to go through?
How are you a better person for having had gone through this experience?
What do you add or bring to other people's lives as a result of going through this experience?
What positive chracteristics have you developed as a result of this experience?
Can you feel pity or compassion for the younger you that went through this experience?
What words of advice or comfort do you have for that younger you?
Do you need to give comfort, compassion or an apology to anyone else in this situation?
In the ideal world, if you knew whatever you would say would be welcomed and wanted, what would you say to each of these people?
Do you have any regrets regarding this situtation?
Is your regret valid?
Can you do anything about your regret or make amends in some way?
Do you feel you need to make amends at the societal level?
Do you feel you need to make amends with your Higher Power?
Who do you need to extend comfort to and ask forgiveness from?
Who do you need to extend forgiveness to?
Victim Forgiveness Coaching Questions
How were you hurt or wronged in this situation?
How did that impact your life?
Do you feel in any way responsible for creating or aggravating this situation?
What would you say to the perpertrator in this instance?
What would you say to any bystanders or witnesses?
Are you afraid of letting someone back into your life if you forgive?
Are you afraid you'll have to do or endure something if you forgive?
What will you gain by letting this go?
Perpetrator Forgiveness Coaching Questions
Do you feel remorse for what you've done?
If you could go back and do it over, what would you do differently?
If you could go back and stop that younger you, what would you say to them?
If you could go back and help the victim, what would you do?
What do you want to say to the victim?
Is there anyone that could have or should have stopped you?
Are you hiding behind any excuses for what you did?
Are you afraid something could happen or might happen again if you are forgiven or forgive yourself?
Do you believe you deserve to be punished?
Do you need someone to help you achieve forgiveness?
Bystander or Witness Forgiveness Coaching Questions
What did you see that alerted you that there was a problem?
How did you react?
What could you have done differently?
What do you feel you should have done differently?
How would this situation have been different if you had acted differently?
Was someone hurt as a result of your inaction?
Has their life been permanently impacted by your inaction?
How does that make you feel about yourself as a person?
Do you feel you need to make amends?
Could you have stopped the perpetrator?
Did you do something that somehow caused the perpetrator to do this?
If you could go back in a time machine and intervene now, what would you do differently?
Do you need to ask for or extend forgiveness to anyone?
Once you start working with healing tools, it can get addictive quickly - especially as you begin to see results, and changes in the way you think and feel.
So, you might suddenly realize you want to go even further, and probably faster, or you've hit a major stumbling block that you need help clearing, or you are in shifting overload and experiencing physical, emotional and mental symptoms you need help with. That's what this section is for!
Simply pop us a message - or reach out via one of the message services listed below - and we'll have a coach or healer get back to you to assist you. This is a paid for service.